Apparently 30 people walked of Tom Walker's show in Adelaide, which is concerning. Who knew humourless bastards travelled in packs that big? Maybe a church group thought they were off to see the Manc singer instead of the award-winning comedian and "improv cunt".
To be fair, Walker's aesthetic is a lot to take in. He's got the manic-focused energy and non-existent blink rate of a preteen that's legally not allowed pets. He wriggles around inside his flesh-coloured shorts suit like maybe there's a family of racoons in there with him. He is loud and sweaty and standing much, much too close to you. Anyone who has spent any time on public transport will immediately recognise the alarm bells that Walker's collection of personality traits set off deep down in the flight or fight section of the brain. He wears knee pads that are never addressed. Not good. Not good at all.
But for all the same reasons you'd step into traffic to get away from him on the street, Walker is a cracking stage personality. He studied at Ecole Philippe Gaulier (the prestigious French academy of theatre-craft), and his tweaky physicality has you asking, 'My god, what the hell is he going to do?' well before you get a couple skits deep and realise no one can answer that question. Maybe not even Walker. He's a roller coaster, in that he looks like he might kill you but you'll probably just stagger off feeling exhilarated and a little queasy. It's tense, white-knuckle, fun as fuck stand-up.
So who are these people skulking for the door? Last year he apparently kept a running count of people running out during his show (lol). His shtick is never mean or even offensive. Yes, he does own a literal 'rude bag', but what he pulls out of it is more in line with Rik Mayall's bug-eyed silliness than cruel jabs or shock humour. Any cheap gags have a lot more to do with the dollar-store props and hand-drawn prompts than kicking down or lazy writing. Walker's punch lines aren't aimed at anything in particular, except maybe sanity as a concept, and his skits are so oblique they would probably be fun to watch even if they weren't so funny. He draws mad connections that are impossible to sever. Philip Larkin said he wanted people who read his poetry to think, "Yes, I've never thought of it that way, but that's how it is." Thanks to a throwaway line in Walker's five-minute noir monologue, I now feel that way about the relationship between arses and chairs, and from this day 'til the one I die I swear I will never not laugh at the word "pangis".
If you've ever ordered a glass of milk in a bar maybe give him a miss, but if you like your laughs sweaty and grinning like a man who's just discovered his straight jacket's come loose, get on it.
Tom Walker presents Honk Honk Honk Honk Honk until 22 Apr at ACMI, part of the 2018 Melbourne International Comedy Festival.
