Wonderland: All White, All Shite

Even before Ten's Wonderland debuted last night at 8.30pm it was copping flak for its lack of diversity in the cast. In the trailers Wonderland looked whiter than a cast reunion of the original Melrose Place.

So, the 900,000+ who endured last night's wedding episode were sent into a whirl when the twist at the show's end revealed it was a “Greek wedding”. We should have worked it out, all the clues were there that this was not an Anglo wedding: no one was slammed drunk; no one was snorting coke in the bathroom; no one was having a sneaky fag on the balcony.

Actually, the wedding central to this episode was unlike any wedding I've ever witnessed. But it was like every TV soap wedding I've ever been to: the bride was upstaged; the cake was destroyed (one can only assume the cake was vanilla - that seemed to be the flavour of the show); the best man met the woman he was meant to be with, etc.

This Big Beige 'Greek' Wedding was meant to be our introduction to the handsome humans of some beachside block of flats in Sydney that looked just like the beachside block of flats in Melbourne where the Secret Life Of Us cast once lived – except its tenants didn't have to abide by a White Australia Policy.

The Wonderland characters surely had names but it was hard to care enough to catch them. So let's just say that the gist of the show was that one of the guys in the block has trouble keeping his dick in his pants. So naturally his friends bet that he can't go a year without bonking a flatmate. If he does he loses his car… coz y'know, he loves his car more than anything, maaaaaaaaaaaaaate.

The bet was written up as a contract on a sparkling clean napkin found midway through the reception. Not sure if the contract stipulated that he was barred from bonking both women and men (and, if he has any pets they can maybe rest easy for the next twelve months too). It was hard to read Brooke Satchwell's scrawled contract even in close-up. Oh yeah, Satchwell is playing a lawyer who happened to be sitting by to oversee the contract despite her being in the wedding party... (“fuck the bride and groom, there's a contract to be signed” – you know what lawyers are like).

And all this was dragged out over an hour. So bland, so uneventful, so not engaging that viewers were gagging for another dose of The Bachelor promo - the one where that white guy drops rose petals on parts of Australia that are more ethnically diverse than the suburb of Wonderland.