The first televised VFL/AFL Grand Final was in 1977. The game, between North Melbourne and Collingwood, was a thrilling draw. Barry Crocker provided the pre-match entertainment, which was appropriate because the AFL has had a Barry Crocker most years since.

Credit to Senator Sarah Hanson-Young for her op-ed piece in The Music this week.

“Why is the AFL spending millions of dollars on flying in Snoop Dogg for their Grand Final entertainment when Australia has enough world-class talent to rock the AFL Grand Final stage right here at home?” the Greens Senator asked.

Putting aside two pertinent questions – Does the greatest game on earth actually need any extras at its big event? And does slapping a band in a stadium in broad daylight make for good entertainment? Why is the AFL paying Mr Dogg millions when they could be showcasing homegrown talent?

As Senator Hanson-Young points out, “Aside from his notorious, homophobic, misogynistic, drug-reference-filled lyrics, Snoop Dogg just doesn’t represent the cultural fabric of Australia.

“Huge Australian cultural moments should be paired with true Aussie talent.”

Surely, the Meat Loaf experiment showed that we don’t need to import a washed-up international act to give our big game some entertainment cred?

Mr Loaf called the AFL “jerks” and his critics “butt-smellers” after his flat out of hell performance copped a bake in 2011. 

The AFL’s cultural cringe has been on show for many years. As well as Meat Loaf, the entertainment line-up has included Irene Cara, Michael Bublé, Black Eyed Peas, Chris Isaak, Lionel Richie, Ed Sheeran, Sting, The Killers, Kiss, Robbie Williams and Katy Perry.

So what sort of musical accompaniment does a major sporting event need? The Fauves released an Olympics-inspired single in 2000 called Celebrate The Failure. 

“Get me a number for Human Nature,” Andrew Cox sang. “Got some words from a poem by Dorothea Mackellar, but I need that little sucker sung a cappella.”

Human Nature performed Waltzing Matilda at the 1999 Grand Final.

The Fauves also sang about the push “to make Up There Cazaly our national song”.

Noted rock critic Clinton Walker hated Up There Cazaly, saying “this infernal tune became one of the worst blights upon football in the 1980s”. But most footy fans would be happy if Mike Brady was a permanent fixture at the MCG on the last Saturday in September.

The Living End are releasing a cracking new album, I Only Trust Rock’n’Roll, the day before this year’s Grand Final. 

The band performed at the Grand Final in 2016. Singer Chris Cheney tells me: “It was great, a highlight of our career. When we were playing the Battle of the Bands at Wheelers Hill High School in 1992, we never imagined we’d be playing at the Grand Final. It was just four songs, but it was the most nerve-racking gig of all time. But it went great for us, and it was a great thing to have done.”

Would they be up for doing it again this year?

“Mate, we’d even do it for a reduced fee if they wanted us.”

If the AFL wants to appeal to a younger audience with a hip-hop act, why wouldn’t they book Hilltop Hoods? The Adelaide stars recently scored a record-breaking seventh chart-topping album – no Aussie group has more.

(By contrast, Snoop Dogg has not even had one Top 10 album on the Australian charts.)

Hilltop Hoods’ latest album, Fall From The Light, even has a footy connection. The second single, The Gift, was a collaboration with Marlon Motlop, who played five games for Port Adelaide.

Of course, AC/DC is on top of footy fans’ GF wish list. As an Essendon supporter, I’d love to see them belting out their anthem Back In (red and) Black. But Angus is not a fan of playing at sporting events.

So, putting AC/DC aside, here – from the backline to the forward line – is a team of Aussie legends who are yet to perform at the AFL Grand Final.

Grand Final entertainment ain’t rocket science. Book an Aussie legend. Add an up-and-coming act. Plus Mike Brady. Job done.

For those about to ruck, we salute you.

The Angels

When The Angels Lane was unveiled this month in Adelaide, John Brewster put his hand up to play at the Grand Final. Could there be a more Aussie experience than The Angels playing Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again, with 100,000 people at the MCG screaming, “No way, get fucked, fuck off!”

Baby Animals

Baby Animals rock. Just play the singles from the first album and you’ve got a killer Grand Final set.

Boom Crash Opera

BCO at the AFL GF? That would be The Best Thing.

Cold Chisel

Cold Chisel have performed at the NRL Grand Final but not at the AFL’s big game. Though their first bass player, Les Kaczmarek, co-wrote Port Adelaide’s theme song (Power To Win), the band members are not big footy fans. But, of course, they’d still be more suitable than Snoop.

Crowded House

Crowded House are so Melbourne that they even wrote a song about the city’s weather.

Hoodoo Gurus

The Gurus are more associated with rugby league, having turned What’s My Scene into That’s My Team, but it would still be a treat at the MCG.

Icehouse

Icehouse could have reworked their classic Aussie song as “Great Southern Stand”. But that grandstand has now been renamed the Shane Warne Stand. However, Great Southern Land would still be a winner.

James Reyne

James Reyne is an Aussie icon. How has he never been invited to play at the AFL Grand Final? James grew up with the game – he’s a Carlton supporter – and his late-great mate Brad Robinson could have been a footballer if he hadn’t gone down the music road.

Kasey Chambers

Eminem’s Lose Yourself is often used at AFL games to pump up the crowd. Who does an even more powerful version of the song? Kasey Chambers.

Keith Urban

Australia’s king of country played at the Super Bowl’s pre-game festivities in 2011. He’s more than ready for a homecoming headlining gig at the ’G.

Kylie Minogue

In fairness to the AFL, they have been trying to get Kylie for many years, but apparently, she will only play if it’s a night Grand Final.

Marcia Hines

The reigning Queen of Pop (she took the crown when it was last awarded in 1978) would turn the MCG into a disco wonderland.

Missy Higgins

When St Kilda player Jack Higgins misses shots for a goal, fans call him Missy Higgins. Indeed, she could dedicate this song to St Kilda and their quest to win their first flag since 1966.

Midnight Oil/Peter Garrett

Word is the Oils nearly did the Grand Final a few years back. Peter Garrett is a big Bombers fan, but the rest of the band was not so keen. 

The Killers did a killer version of Forgotten Years at the 2017 Grand Final. As Brandon Flowers said, “Don’t forget to thank God for Midnight Oil.”

Rick Springfield

When I last spoke to Rick Springfield, he was wearing red and black socks – he’s an Essendon fan. He might have lived in America since the start of the ’70s, but his heart remains in Melbourne, where he grew up.

Ross Wilson

Can you believe that Ross Wilson has never played at the Grand Final? Me neither. He’s a St Kilda supporter, but if the West Coast Eagles were playing, can you imagine how great Eagle Rock would be? In fact, how great would it be at every Grand Final?

The Screaming Jets

The Jets on Grand Final Day? Does it get any Better?

TISM

A year ago, TISM released a single called ’70s Football, and their most recent album also included a song called VFA. One of their early gems was The Back Upon Which Jezza Jumped. Footy legend Ron Barassi was an inspiration for singer Ron Hitler-Barassi.

They wrote a song for Triple M’s footy coverage, Shut Up – The Footy’s On The Radio. And they celebrated Hawthorn’s 1999 Brownlow Medallist in I Rooted A Girl Who Rooted A Guy Who Rooted A Girl Who Rooted A Guy Who Rooted A Girl Who Rooted Shane Crawford. TISM at the AFL Grand Final? That’s what I’m talking about!