Fancy Nance — 21 Daly St, South Yarra
High tea, Adriano Zumbo style. Sweets like panna cotta and macaroons are served first; savouries finish the 90-minute gastronomic experience. There's the I'm So Fancy menu ($65) — with 12 courses you will roll out the door; the less intense Pretty Flamingo ($45); or the traditional scone and tea/coffee experience (Sconti, $15). Gluten-free and vegetarian-friendly options are available.
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Madame Brussels' Garden Party — Level 3, 59 Bourke St, Melbourne
Melbourne's answer to high tea on heat. Hilarious, ridiculous and utterly fabulous, daaarling. Eat daggy (in the best way) old-fashioned sandwiches like curried egg and cucumber or pickles and ham. Enjoy a fruity 'Double D' cocktail and get elegantly (or not so elegantly) shitfaced with your BFFs in the afternoon. $48 will be enough to give you hours of multiple LOLs.
Hotel Windsor — 111 Spring St, Melbourne
The real high tea deal. You even get an etiquette handbook that tells you how to hold a teacup and where to place your napkin. Feel like a high-flyer as you sample French pastries, freshly baked scones and much more. The afternoon affair costs upwards of $69... but, hey, you'll feel like royalty for a few hours.
Nova Deluxe at Cinema Nova — 380 Lygon St, Carlton
Really want to do the high tea thing but can't be effed making small talk with the person you're with? Cinema Nova has you sorted. High tea at the movies. See a flick, have a drink, eat some yum things and sit on a sofa while you're at it. $45 gets you admission, a glass of champers, Pimms or tea and a few nibblies like cake and sandwiches.
Radisson Blu High Tea — 27 O'Connell St, Sydney
Pass us the sandwich triangles and strawberry swiss rolls please. High tea here is a traditional, elegant affair with three-tiered stands, plush lounge chairs and cakelets on show. So use your manners like grand British folk and say thank you for the posh finger food on your plate. Gluten-free option available.
Sir Stamford at Circular Quay Hotel — 93 Macquarie St, Sydney
A flute of Moet & Chandon Champagne anyone? Experience the Elegance High Tea ($69) and that's exactly what you'll get — plus savoury canapes galore meets sweets aplenty. Opt for the Traditional High Tea ($54) if Australian sparkling is more your thing. There's a Kids High Tea ($32) too. These noble dudes have thought of everything.
Swissotel Sydney — 68 Market St, Sydney
All-you-can-eat high tea. Yep, we said it: it's a grand buffet. $69 will get you a glass of sparkling on arrival and as many freshly baked scones, desserts, mini quiches and sandwiches you can handle without dying from stomach cramps. Did we mention there's a chocolate fountain? Good Lord.
Burnt Orange — 1109 Middlehead Rd, Mosman
Like your cake with a slice of Mother Nature? This is your place. Chat to the kookaburras as you sit on a cute balcony, nibbling Avoca brown bread, apple and blueberry custard crumble and rocky road. Watch the world go by with the Antipasti Platter or the Vegetarian Grazing Plate and wheels of splendid, scrumptious cheese.