The Beards' Best & Worst Of Brownlow Red Carpet Beards

If anyone knows anything about facial hair, it's Aussie folk rock group The Beards.

Frontman Johann Beardraven took to the red carpet at the AFL Brownlow Medal earlier this week to skim his eye over the facial hair highlights and lowlights from the annual sporting event. 

Here are his verdicts:

Jarryd roughead

(Pic via AFL Brownlow Twitter account)

The loveable big man from the Hawks has been a long-time beard wearer and got his reward last night with a respectable 9 Brownlow votes. That seems to be 9 more than a clumsy redhead should ever be afforded so we can only assume that all the votes were on the basis of him having the best beard in a particular match. The Hawks will once again be looking for his beard to lead from the front when they tackle a fairly beard-heavy West Coast team in the GF on Saturday.

BEARD RATING: 6.5/10

JARRAD MCVEIGH

(Pic via AFL Brownlow Twitter account)

Sydney’s Jarrad McVeigh is one of the league’s more serious beard owners and it was on full display on the red carpet, with his shaved head accentuating the beard nicely. Unfortunately Jarrad’s beard was left to do too much work on its own this year when one of Sydney’s bearded tall forwards missed the finals series due to some sort of beard growing-related anxiety and the team crashed out in the semi-finals. A summer of beard growing for the Swans should have them on track for a big 2016.

BEARD RATING: 7/10

JOSH KENNEDY

(Pic via West Coast Eagles Facebook)

Having a great beard means you can do pretty much anything, and Josh Kennedy has this year used the power of his beard to kick the most amount goals out of anyone. I’m pretty sure he could have also used that beard to gain the most clearances, hit-outs to advantage, best winning percentage as a head coach, best bowling figures in an ODI, or any other stat that took his fancy. His beard was looking in ominous form again on the red carpet which surely bodes well for West Coast this weekend.

BEARD RATING: 8.5/10

CHRIS JUDD

(Pic via AFL Brownlow Twitter account)

A true champion of the game and a long-time advocate of the ‘McVeigh’ look, Chris Judd announced his retirement from AFL during the 2015 season citing a desire to concentrate on his beard-growing pursuits. Unfortunately, on the evidence of this year’s red carpet, Judd’s facial hair exploits since retirement have been an unmitigated disaster and his beard actually looks worse than it did during his playing days – kind of the beard equivalent of when a footballer stacks on the pounds as soon as they stop playing. With his wife and red carpet favourite Rebecca once again refusing to grow a beard, this was a night to forget for the Judds.

BEARD RATING: 4/10

nat fyfe

(Pic via Fremantle Dockers Twitter account)

From the look of his pathetic boyish face, Fremantle’s Nat Fyfe is probably incapable of growing any sort of beard at all – something which would have once filled me with rage but now gives me more a sense of deep pity. The AFL seems to have taken pity on him as well as he was awarded with some kind of medal which I’m pretty sure was a consolation prize for having the competition’s worst beard. It might have also had something to do with being really good at football but with his lack of facial hair I highly doubt it.

BEARD RATING: 0/10

The Beards kick off their Ten Long Years One Long Beard tour this Friday in Queensland — check out theGuide for more details.