Ah, to be a twin. From piercing each others’ ears at summer camp and reuniting divorced parents to traipsing around Paris on the back of a Vespa (yes, my twin references are all Lindsay Lohan/Olsen sister-based), the whole twin thing sounds like a lot of fun. Most times anyway.
I called up Pat and Cosmo Liney, the brothers and producers in Cosmo’s Midnight as they’re chilling at a pub and they divulged all the times they had each others’ backs and the one time Cosmo stabbed his brother Pat in the eye with a barbeque skewer (?!).
The duo released their debut record, What Comes Next, last month and it’s a veritable who’s who of musical guests — you can catch Tove Styrke, Winston Surfshirt, Woodes and Boogie all featuring on it. It’s a real good time and the boys sound like they are too.
Here’s hoping their guests could tell them apart.
Truth
Pat: When me and Cosmo were younger, we looked very similar. We both had, like, super long blonde hair and the only way people could tell us apart was because we wore different coloured ties.
Uppy: At school?
P: Yeah! And like, our friends could tell us apart but none of the teachers really could. So me and Cos used to swap ties — we were in different classes, so like… we’d do this thing like if Cos was having a maths test and he didn’t study for it at all, I’d just swap ties with him and do his test for him. And no one knew better. That was like… my little shenanigan when we looked super similar. I guess we don’t really look the same now.
U: That’s cheeky. So why did you have different coloured ties?
P: ‘Cause people couldn’t tell the difference! So they were like, ‘Cosmo’s with the black and white tie and Pat has the blue tie.’
U: Oh, that’s funny! So they had to modify your uniform?
P: No, they had different ties for the different houses. But we wore like a house tie, so whatever school houses we were in. And I just wore the default school tie and that’s how everyone knew us apart. He had a really mean maths teacher, but she couldn’t tell the difference and she’d call us by our ties! Like ‘Black and white tie,’ and ‘Blue tie,’ so I just thought, alright, let’s swap ties and I’ll do Cosmo’s exam for him. It was probably year eight, so nothing really mattered to be honest. But yeah, we could get away with it. We used to have long blonde hair and now we’ve got short-ish, browny hair. I dunno, I can’t really remember many shenanigans but that’s one I remember off the top of my head.
U: Nah, that one’s good! So just on your similarities — obviously you have different coloured hair now, facially are you different, like with your freckles or anything like that?
P: Well, we both have freckles and blue eyes and sandy blondey-browny hair. I guess that’s where the similarities are. But apart from that, we’re different heights. I’m a bit skinnier, Cos is a bit broader. Most people, when they meet us they’re like, ‘Oh, you’re actually quite different,’ but on a superficial level when you’re on the other side of the room, it’s like, 'Whoa!' Like blonde hair and blue eyes and freckles, 'Whoa, they’re the same person!' But yeah, we’re fraternal twins. You know when kids all kind of look the same when they’re little anyway? They’re just general… blobby… children. That was us and obviously being twins made it a little bit more similar-looking, but yeah, we exploited that shit. You gotta do it while you can!
U: Totally! Which of you is older?
P: I’m like five minutes older. Cos is the younger one. Five or ten minutes, I’m not super sure how long. It was a Caesarian, but they like, pulled us out straight away, I dunno. I don’t ask her the details to be honest!
U: And did your parents dress you guys the same when you were growing up?
P: Yeahh, mum frothed on that stuff. She was like, 'I’m gonna dress you in matching overalls and sandals,' and that shit.
U: Hah!
P: Looking back, I’m like, 'Man, mum dressed us super trendy.' We hated it but looking back, I should’ve appreciated that.
U: Good on her! Well, now you’re rocking those matching overalls again!
P: I’m not 100% convinced I’m not Cosmo though… like, when we were babies, just born and they named us, like how can you possibly keep track of which one is which?
U: I mean… if you ARE Cosmo then you’re… Cosmo now.
P: Yeah… I feel like, when I was just born, our older brother tells me that like, I was originally Cosmo and Cosmo was originally Pat, but then my older brother just pointed at me and was like, ‘No, he has to be Pat.’
U: Oh my god…
P: But then again, they could’ve mixed us up along the way unless they stapled a piece of paper to us that said Pat and Cosmo and eventually we grew up enough to tell the difference.
U: Are you having an existential crisis right now?
P: Yeah, I’m like questioning my whole identity right now. You take for granted what it’s like to grow up as a twin because it’s the only thing you know. You don’t know what it’s like to NOT be a twin, so when people ask, ‘What’s it like to be a twin?’ I’m like, ‘Uhhhh for obvious reasons I can’t answer that.’ But we were joined at the hip when we were little.
U: That’s super cute. It’d be nice having someone so close to you in age.
P: Yeah, it worked out well with music because we shared the same interests growing up, and eventually when we got into music it just worked out like that.
Truth
Cosmo: So this is kind of a horrifying incident that happened. When we were really young — like 12 or something — playing like, swordfights with skewers, I skewered Pat in the eye with a skewer. And it was like… coming out of his eye.
Uppy: You skewered Pat?!
C: Yeah, I skewered Pat with a barbeque skewer in the eye!
U: Oh my god.
C: Yeah and it was very lucky that he didn’t go blind.
U: So it didn’t get his iris… it was just in the white part?
C: It got, like, it got the jelly bit.
U: The jelly bit! [laughs]
C: So it was all good. It was all fun and games. He definitely had to get it removed and all that, so it wasn’t ALL fun and games.
U: So it stayed in his eye while you were going to the hospital?
C: Yeah, we didn’t wanna damage it when taking it out.
U: Ooh. That is gruesome.
C: Yeah, so that’s a shocking truth, but that’s what came to mind.
U: Was it a metal skewer or like a wooden one?
C: Nah, a little wooden one.
U: Have you gotten into other painful situations?
C: Ummmm, not that I can remember, just like general injuries from life. Nah, I think that’s the really shocking, painful experience.
U: I’m amazed he hasn’t lost an eye, to be honest. That would’ve made it pretty easy to tell you guys apart.
C: Yeahhh, one has an eye patch!
U: One has a glass eye!
Lie
Cosmo: This is another school-related one, so we were going to school. At the time, we looked very similar and all that. And Pat was playing with some kid and he was a very sensitive boy, he got upset that Pat was playing in an aggressive way. And I got called to the office? And they were like, ‘Why are you bullying this kid?’ And I like… I assumed that some kid had just chosen to tell on me for no reason about something I hadn’t even done, so I was like, ‘I dunno, he’s so annoying.’ And it turns out, I didn’t even know who it was. And then Pat came up and was like, ‘It was actually me!’ But I had already lied and said I disliked the kid, so I just… threw myself under the bus for no reason. Then I guess ever since that moment I’ve felt a bit of animosity towards that guy.
U: So wait, Pat got in this fight with another kid…
C: And I got called to the office.
U: So he dobbed on you!
C: He dobbed on the wrong person!
U: Ohhh. What a dick!
C: And I owned up to it, without even having done anything! So I got in trouble anyway, Pat kind of just left unharmed. Unscathed. I owned up to something I didn’t even do because I assumed that I’d done that!
U: Yeah, you’re like, ‘If you say it, it must be true!’
C: Yeah, I was like, ‘Okay, I guess I don’t like you!’
U: Do you remember what the fight was? Like in sport or?
C: Yeah, something in sport. Just high school stuff.
U: It’s cute you guys take the fall for each other though!
C: [laughs] I think we assume if one of us gets in trouble, the other will anyway! It’s just the way it works.
U: Do you still kind of get mistaken for each other even though you really, really don’t look all that similar?
C: Only a little bit, but from the people who are really, really not good at picking up on things. Like, the friends that I have that still can’t tell us apart couldn’t tell black from white. They just can’t see anything. So I’m just like, whatever, call me whatever you want and I’ll still respond to it.
U: So chill about it! So lax.
C: Yeah! Honestly, there’s times where people will say, ‘Hey Pat!’ and I turn around and go, ‘Hey what’s up?’ They meant Pat but being Cosmo, I’ll just say ‘Yes, hi,’ anyway, because I’ll just assume they’ll get it wrong. And I just roll with it, I’m like, ‘I’m Pat now!’
U: I guess you have such shared experiences a lot of the time that you could probably answer for him anyway?
C: Yeah, we’d get lumped in a lot so it’d be easier to answer whatever question there was. Or just take on the role of being Patrick for a bit. We’re not that different, you know — we’re close enough that I can be him for a bit of time.
U: That’s cool though, I feel like some twins might get upset being mistaken all the time.
C: Yeah! It’s like, some people are ‘No, I’m my own person!’ and I’m very much my own person, but I’m not gonna get caught up if someone gets me wrong. Like, ‘No! My identity is getting completely lumped in with someone else based on the way that I look similar to someone!’ Like, nah, it’s okay, I don’t really mind.
Cosmo’s Midnight are currently on their What Comes Next album tour, playing Sydney on July 27 and August 4, Adelaide on July 28 and Canberra on August 3. Their debut album, What Comes Next, is out now.
If you’re a musician and have some stories to share and some secrets to tell – be it hilarious or heartbreaking, humiliating or honourable – send us an email at twotruthscolumn[at]gmail.com.
We might be telling the whole world about the time you accidentally killed your brother’s pet snake and replaced it without anyone knowing in no time.
