HOWQUA: “I Just Wasn't In A Position To Get Through It”

The world of music is filled with endless ‘what-if’ moments, where we’re left to wonder about the myriad possibilities of the road not taken. However, for Melbourne’s Ben Campain (best known as HOWQUA), there’s no question that his journey was the right one.

For those who remember the Australian music scene of a decade ago, the name HOWQUA might be familiar. It was the musical moniker of Campain, who in turn adopted it from the river of the same name near the Victorian town of Mansfield where his grandparents owned a property.

“I have great memories of growing up there, going down and camping by the river, and skimming stones with my granddad,” Campain remembers over Zoom. “When I decided that I wanted to really put myself on the line in the sense of sharing with vulnerability, going to the core as much as I could, and sharing myself through music, I felt like I didn't want to do it under my name. 

“I wanted a name that really meant something to me,” he adds. “It was something that was really personal for me, and also something where I could share what it was like being human from my point of view.”

Having begun playing saxophone and performing in stage productions, Campain moved to playing guitar in high school, pairing acoustic-based compositions with introspective, vulnerable lyrics. 

The result was his HOWQUA project, which soon took on a life of its own thanks to the likes of the 2014 Naked EP, and the live shows that followed. Soon enough, HOWQUA was the definition of a ‘buzz band’, with tastemakers the world over following Campain with an eager ear.

Performances with Paul Kelly followed, as did showcases at BIGSOUND, the attention of famed international producers, and even a trip over to North America. For any artist, it was the level of momentum they would have dreamed of.

“We went over to a Canadian Music Week where we played a bunch of shows, and a booking agent signed me that evening to look after all of North America,” he remembers. “That was a pretty exciting opportunity, and then over at a festival in New York, there was a bit of talk there.

“[Producer] Steve Lillywhite had an interview in Australia and he was sharing a bit of excitement around my music and things like that, and we were really starting to get some momentum and opportunities.”

While shows were continuing to sell out, a grant even saw HOWQUA perform and record a series of live performances at the Meat Market in North Melbourne. For Campain, however, this momentum could not be maintained. 

“We then got the invite over to South By Southwest, to play over there in Texas, which was a dream of mine,” he remembers. “But I ended up saying no to that opportunity.

“That was kind of at the point where it decided it was time to step away from music.”

For those who had been following HOWQUA on social media, it was late 2016 when a bit of silence took over. The silence was swift and sudden to his audience, but to Campain, it was a long time coming, and the need to address his enduring struggles with mental health became apparent.

“I've always struggled mental health-wise, with depression, anxiety, and a lack of confidence in myself,” he explains. “Although I was sharing my music, I think part of the connection with people was that there was a rawness and honesty behind speaking about some of these issues when it wasn't particularly spoken about as much.

“I remember my first release, My Mindset, where I stood in front of a camera and filmed myself for months on end and showed a level of vulnerability that scared the absolute shit out of me,” he adds. “Before I released it, I had a massive panic attack and it was that sort of thing; that line between putting it all out there and also feeling uncomfortable about putting it out there.”

The challenges began to make themselves apparent to Campain, and with fans approaching him after shows and sharing their own experiences, the reality of being so vulnerable and sharing such deeply personal and emotive songs began to weigh heavily on his mental health.

“I had to sort of step away from that world at the time and go and work on myself,” he remembers. “I’m really happy to be proud to be able to say that after years of work, I'm in a completely different headspace and in a much better space in life.

“It's taken a lot of work, but being there at that moment, I just wasn't in a position to get through it.”

As expected, the questions of what could have been would weigh heavily on Campain and his mental health. After all, it’s only natural that his mind would drift on to what his music career could have been had he not needed to remove himself from the journey he was on in the pursuit of personal and mental betterment.

The difference, however, is that Campain doesn’t view his musical hiatus as a choice. Rather, it was a necessity.

“It was definitely difficult in a sense,” he admits. “It was all something I’d worked towards and got to a position where things were moving in a positive direction career-wise. But at the end of the day, it was me realising, ‘I can't do this; I need to step away from it.’

“It didn't really seem like an option at the time. It just had to be done because the other option was just not going to be viable,” he adds. “It was definitely hard, and it wasn't like I stopped doing music and went out to skip through fields and everything was all happy again. It took many years to sort of work through different things to get back to where I am now.”

HOWQUA did make a small re-emergence back in April 2020, however, appearing as part of the live-streamed Isol-Aid series of concerts to help raise money and awareness for the Support Act organisation. But in the last eight years, this was the only performance that fans received from Campain in any capacity.

During his time away from the limelight, he’d taken the opportunity to enjoy life. Between spending time in Canada and Spain, his return to Melbourne just in time for lockdown resulted in more work being done in pursuit of his mental health. Following a personal breakthrough just 18 months ago, the discovery of some mental clarity resulted in a move down to Barwon Heads near Geelong.

Soon though, Campain’s congenital heart condition of aortic valve stenosis necessitated surgery which he underwent earlier this year. While many folks might have undergone such a surgery and taken a backwards step in terms of mental health and the progress made, Campain explains he was lucky enough to be able to get through the other side with little collateral damage done to his mindset.

“They were speaking about Cardiac Blues and how you can move into a bad headspace with depression and things like that,” he explains. “But I've been lucky enough to be in a really good spot in my head, to be able to take this for what it is, and to be able to deal with the challenges with much more clarity. 

“So although it kind of popped up and they said, ’Alright, we're going to have to chop you up, give you a new valve, and it's going to be months and months for recovery,’ I'm glad I was in the head space where I was because it made things a lot easier from my point of view.”

That point of view undoubtedly shifted following the surgery, and Campain found himself reminiscing on his musical career he had to leave behind. Thoughts soon turned to the live videos he had recorded at North Melbourne’s Meat Market. 

“It was some of the strongest stuff I'd done at the time, and it just sat on a laptop,” he remembered. “We had an amazing team put it together and create these videos, and it represents something that I was really proud of, but it sat on my laptop for seven years and I didn't share it with anybody.”

These thoughts soon shifted onto the topic of mortality and the rumination of why he hadn’t decided to share this music with the world.

“You go under the knife at this sort of serious level of operation and you hope everything goes alright, but it just makes you stop and think for a second,” he explains. “I suppose it was really important for me to get one video out before I went under to get the heart operation.

“It just made me think with some of the ‘only live once’ mentality and it reminded me that you don't always have so much time in this world,” he adds. “It inspired me to say, ‘Alright, well, I love creating music, so it's time to share that with others’.”

Now, all of that music is indeed being shared with others with Campain issuing a new fittingly-titled EP – 3000 Days Ago – on November 8th that collects those performances recorded at the Meat Market many years ago. Sharing Emotion with fans prior to his surgery, Fishing For Gold just weeks ago, and new single Safe Space today, these recordings showcase the raw vulnerability and power that made Campain’s music so beloved. 

Watching these videos almost feels voyeuristic at times, as though the viewer is being granted an insight into an artist baring his soul. That, however, is exactly what Campain wanted to achieve.

The upcoming EP will also be paired with a special return to the live stage as well, with HOWQUA making an appearance at the Northcote Social Club on Sunday, November 17th. After such a long time long away, you could easily forgive Campain for letting the nerves creep in as the date gets closer, but it appears his newfound mindset is working wonders across the board.

“There's always going to be nerves because it's all part of it, but I didn't want to complicate things too much because I know that my strength is in sharing my songs in a way that's pretty unguarded,” he explains. 

“I suppose the live and solo thing, the recording that I'm releasing, and then the way I'm going to approach the live show, I'm confident that it's the way that I want to introduce myself back into the music scene and share that with friends and family.”

So carefree is he about this show that he’s not once worried about ticket sales, or whether people remember his name. Rather, it’s something he’s doing for himself first and foremost.

“This time around, the mentality is different,” he continues. “I haven't put a whole lot of pressure on myself and I'm just reminding myself that this is something I want to do.”

After many years of questioning ‘what if’, the question can now become ‘what’s next’. Will the return of HOWQUA manifest itself as an ongoing concern once again, or should fans grab onto this rare opportunity with both hands lest it not come around again?

Currently, the future is unwritten, with both Campain and his fans in a position where they’ll see what comes to pass.

“The main focus was to get this music out there that I'd had hidden away for so long and to share my live performance,” he explains. “Following on from that, yeah, I’d love to record a studio album, but I haven't really exactly worked out what I'm doing with more shows. 

“I think I'm just sort of going to go with the flow and see where we go and just trust my gut a bit,” he adds. “I think music's definitely entered my life again in a good way and I don't want to give a definitive answer to whether or not I’ll play more shows, but at this stage, this is where my focus is. 

“I just want to give my best, share my music with a bunch of lovely people, and see where we go from there.”

Tickets to HOWQUA’s performance at the Northcote Social Club are on sale now. A GoFundMe campaign to raise funds to aid in Ben’s continued recovery surgery is also active.