Supreme Brawler Ken Masters says A-list pair constantly flout the society’s rules
Tensions were running high today at the New York City headquarters for international underground combat society Fight Club in the wake of the release of a statement from Beyonce, Jay-Z and Solange Knowles regarding the latter two's now-infamous altercation in an elevator earlier this week.
In scenes that were a far cry from the picture of harmony painted by the “it's all good” assurances from the Jay-Z/Knowles camp, Fight Club Supreme Brawler and Anarchist-in-Chief Ken Masters has denounced the statement as a careless affront to the rules and standards of his organisation, of which the celebrities are now known to be members.
“We told them not to talk about it,” Masters fumed when SPA Confidential touched base earlier today. “I mean, it's a pretty simple rule. We say it twice at the start of every meeting. Technically, I shouldn't even be talking to you now – can you alter my voice for this?”
Although Masters and his co-executives see the statement's release as the biggest insult to the Fight Club family (which in addition to its weekly meetings is responsible for the popular Project Mayhem campaign to dismantle Western civilisation), he was not quick to forget their other perceived discretions.
Don't miss a beat with our FREE daily newsletter
“They're clearly wearing shoes the whole time,” Masters said. “We're less stringent about the 'No Shirts' rule these days, especially when a fistfight is taking place outside of usual Club hours, but to not remove their shoes? It's just insensitive, and it makes us look like uncaring brutes. We're very disappointed in them.”
Upon hearing the news that the organisation had expressed their condemnation over the statement, adding to the scrutiny laid upon Jay-Z, his wife and sister-in-law, he would only say, via a terrifying Twitter direct message, “If you turn this into another 99 Problems joke, I will take everything you love and drink your tears as a nightcap.”