Sorting Through The Skeletons In Cristina's Cupboard

In biblical use, leviathan refers to a sea monster, identified with the Devil and sometimes described as a whale, and, in an Australian twist. More generally it has come to mean a large and powerful, often autocratic, thing.

Sydney-based actor Emily McGowan, while not wrestling crocs, is grappling with a leviathan in preparation for Depot Theatre's production of Paul Gilchrist's Cristina In The Cupboard, to be directed by Julie Baz. It's common for an actor, when discussing the processes of preparation for a particular character, to talk about getting into their heads — as though they're occupying and exploring the brains of the body they will become.

McGowan isn't the only actor trying to get into the head of the titular Cristina, not simply because Sylvia Keays took on the role in a 2013 production at Tap Gallery, but because every character in Gilchrist's introspective comedy occupies space in Cristina's mind.

"You can have a memory, which is Cristina's interpretation of what happened, which may not actually be real."

"You notice little things where the other characters say the same line as Cristina and [in] that confusion — are these people figments of Cristina's imagination or are they memories? — things double up and blur," McGowan explains. "Looking at specific moments and going: in this moment, is this a memory, or is this a fantasy, or is this a moment to fear? There's a hybridity too, you can have a memory, which is Cristina's interpretation of what happened, which may not actually be real. I think when you look at yourself and the way you remember things, it's always from your perspective and its always got your insecurities or your favourite parts heightened in that memory."

To try and better get into Cristina's head, McGowan's been allowing Cristina to enter her own: "A lot of it is being in situations and being aware enough to think: 'Oh, that's how Cristina would feel right now in this situation, that's what she's experiencing in her world,'" she explains.

"I was at Circular Quay during Vivid and I remember feeling very overwhelmed and quite uncomfortable in this moment standing in front of a work and that moment, it was Cristina: there was a lot going on and it was a strange looking piece and I was drawn to it, despite being made uncomfortable. That's what Cristina is, she feels uncomfortable and doesn't like things, but she tries to figure them out."

Having graduated from the Wesley Institute in 2013, this will mark McGowan's fourth outing at Depot Theatre, but her education is far from over.

"I feel like as an actor it's great to learn from your characters. With Cristina, I feel like she's a deep thinker an she wants more from the world and she's desiring more, she's looking for more, searching for true happiness. And alongside that she searches for moments of quiet, she removes herself. I mean, think about how anxious you become if you leave [your] phone at home. To remove yourself from that is quite powerful. Cristina in many ways is fearful, but she's looking for something greater, she doesn't just withdraw or run away, she's searching."