Cub Sport's Tim Nelson: 'I Was So Full Of Fear'

“We made so many changes as a band and in our personal lives,” Nelson reflects on the year that was. “The thing that feels so different to me is that I created the whole thing on the other side of coming out. It kind of feels like the first body of work I’ve written entirely as myself. I keep learning more and more about myself by delving into this album and pulling apart what I’ve written.” 

So how has this newfound openness and connectedness affected Cub Sport? “I do less out of fear now,” says Nelson. “Whenever we’re making a creative or business decision for Cub Sport, we always try to make sure we’re doing it out of love for what we’re doing and because we believe in it – rather than being reactive or acting out of fear. I feel like that has opened us up and we’re on the right path.”

Cub Sport has always made largely upbeat, life-affirming indie-pop music. Nelson says before now, it hasn’t always reflected his internal world. “I feel like I’ve been so cynical for such a large part of my life,” he says. “I never thought I’d talk about this stuff the way I do now. It took starting to live life more for myself rather than trying to please people around me. I didn’t really think I had it in me for a long time because I was being told that who I really am was unacceptable. So it took breaking away from that and retraining my subconscious to not hate myself.” 

Nelson says he sometimes feels his self-critical nature creeping back in, but on the new album he’s better at ignoring it. “It doesn’t feel overthought or anything to me,” says Nelson. “Sometimes you have to use a bunch of words that might come across as cheesy from time to time, but I feel like it’s really important for me to communicate it, so I just do it [laughs].” 

Having reached this point of honesty with himself and others, how does he view his younger, more conflicted self? “I was so full of fear,” Nelson says. “I had such a phobia and so much shame. I was so scared by everything and that closed off my connection to inspiration. There were so many parts of my life that I was trying to sweep under the rug. If I spotted my insecurities in other people, that made me uncomfortable because there was so much I had yet to acknowledge about myself and my own struggles and so I’d brush a lot of stuff off as sarcasm. I just really didn’t like myself. For me, it’s about self-acceptance and learning you are who you are for a reason. Being less judgmental of yourself and others helps that more negative side dissipate.” 

Having emerged through the other side with a fresh batch of songs, Cub Sport have taken the somewhat unusual step of making this, their third album, self-titled. “I think this one feels like the first time I’ve really captured a confidence and creative identity that feels like a self-titled album,” says Nelson. “It’s been building to this. It felt like the right time and the right songs and the right part of the story to be self-titled.” 

Cub Sport is an album infused with the kind of warmth and open-heartedness that can only come from hard-won self-acceptance. “I feel like the more open I’ve become, I’ve become more receptive to what I really vibe with creatively, so I think that flows into the music," he reflects. 

Nelson experienced the ultimate union and celebration in August, when he married bandmate Sam Netterfield. Having been best friends and bandmates for years, Nelson says once upon a time he wouldn’t even have dared to dream about his current married life. “I had so much shame and fear and internalised homophobia that I had to work past,” he says. “So I decided that we should just be friends, which we did for a few years. In retrospect it seems so clear that we were very much in love the whole time. We had to transition into feeling ready to move forward and accept and love who we were together. If someone told me when I was 17 how it would turn out I would have thought it was too good to be true. It’s been really hard at times, but I wouldn’t change any of it. I feel like it’s all happened to us for a reason - so we can hopefully inspire other people who find themselves in similar circumstances.” 

Nelson says that although it was a difficult and deeply personal journey, he never really felt alone. “I’m really lucky to have amazing friends who are another sort of family who helped me grow and become less judgemental of myself. A big part of our purpose as a band now is to make music for anyone struggling with any aspect of their identity – their sexuality or anything else – to remind people that you’re good and there are people who will understand and love you somewhere.”