Live Review: The Beards, The Stiffys

The facial hair quota at The Metro was at an all-time high on Friday as die-hard, whiskered fans united to experience the Sydney leg of The Beards’ ‘Strokin’ My Beard’ tour.

The Stiffys, both dressed as The Stig, helped raise the testosterone level to jarring heights in support, with their songs Champagne and Boogie Boarding, the latter with complimentary crowd boogie boarding thanks to one genuinely nervous volunteer, successfully building the momentum for the bearded ones to come. Despite their songs obviously catering to a specific demographic (they finished their set with I’m Really Good At Sex Because I’m Always Doing It), the boys can impressively bang out some catchy tunes with only bass and drums.

Then, to the sounds of a bellowing, almost guttural crowd chant of “Beards! Beards! Beards!” the hairy quartet appeared, pulling out all the stops, with pyrotechnics (read: party poppers), costume changes (read: just the taking off of clothes in general) and an unmeasured enthusiasm for facial hair.

Kicking off with Beards Are Back, the boys delved into their bearded propaganda back catalogue with gusto, playing songs from all four of their stubble-related albums (Yes, you read that correctly – four albums). Beard Revolution had the crowd swaying, their hands in the air like they just didn’t care, while Strokin’ My Beard reinforced that it’s okay to be an unemployed slob if you have a beard (a philosophy some audience members seemed to have unfortunately embraced with unbridled enthusiasm.)

Within all the beardedness lies a band that are great performers. Vocalist Johann Beardraven has a powerful, distinctive voice and most of the band’s melodies, like keytar-driven All The Bearded Ladies, are catchy, ‘80s-inspired cock rock at its best. Finishing with their most popular hit to date, love anthem You Should Consider Having Sex With A Bearded Man, the boys whipped up one more audience frenzy before calling it a night.

The Beards have carved out a successful career within an insanely specific niche, but their success largely lies in their musical talent rather than the hairy novelty of it all, which can get a bit obsessive and lacklustre after the first handful of songs. However, there seemed to be no complaints from the super-enthusiastic, heavily bearded audience that danced and sang along until the very end – eagerly embracing their love of the beard.