Live Review: Salt 'N' Pepa, Dee Wiz

Milling about in the Lounge bar area there are a lot of dressed-up ladies who look like they might have drawn inspiration from Haysi Fantayzee. As we enter the theatre, the party has well and truly started thanks to Dee Wiz. Hey! Where's Spinderella to “cut it up one time”? Dee Wiz presents a schoolies mix for those who completed their HSC (Higher School Certificate – pretty sure they don't even call it that anymore): Eurythmics' Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of This) avec thumping, enhanced bass straight into Michael Jackson's Black Or White becomes Don't Be Cruel by Bobby Brown and Whoomp! (There It Is) by some one-hit wonders called Tag Team.

It turns out tonight is the last night of Salt 'N' Pepa's Australian tour and Dee Wiz doubles as gee-up merchant: “Let's get ready to party, y'all!” A foxy, OG male dancer duo accompanies the pair of killa queenz to the stage. “I heard that the old school was in the house!” Salt hollers, before asking, “All my '70s [then '80s, then '60s] babies in the house!” to scream when relevant. Salt 'N' Pepa sure party with the crowd! We get a sing-along test to prove our hip hop knowledge when the brass sample from Beyoncé's Crazy In Love blast from some extra sub woofers that have been placed onstage especially for tonight. Everyday People by Arrested Development concludes our hip hop exam. The 'laydeez' present then score some dating advice thanks to Salt 'N' Pepa. Those smokin' backing dancers try out cheesy pick-up lines on the rappers and are answered in song (Ain't Nothin' Going On But The Rent/Scrubs etc). The overall message is: “No romance without finance.” S'N'P hilariously lean all over their dancers at each song's conclusion, using the pair as fine furniture.

The entire upstairs Lounge section remains upstanding, getting on down, for the show's duration. Every track Dee Wiz drops is face-melting hip hop, except Let's Get It Started by Black Eyed Peas. When Nirvana enters the sonic spectrum, an outraged punter in the row behind throws her hands in the air: “Why are they playing this for? No one CARES!?” Things go from bad to worse when a random is selected from the crowd to butcher Sweet Child O' Mine by Gunners. Salt 'N' Pepa throw towels out to audience members for cooling off, but this section is far from hot. Let's Talk About Sex is, however, and a selection of bitches are plucked from the crowd for a sexy dancer comp onstage. The same ploy is repeated when menfolk are pulled up to join the rappers onstage and strut their stuff to the irresistible Whatta Man. Aforementioned karaoke star clambers up onstage again and then does nothing but film. Get him off! Shoop abducts out hips and helps us recover from the annoying video enthusiast and then all leave the stage.

An enquiry penetrates the darkness: “You still here?” and it's Dee Wiz. He then cranks out a bit of The White Stripes' Seven Nation Army. Then the girls are escorted back onstage by those tracksuited back-up dancers to the tune of Beyoncé's Run The World (Girls). And do they ever “run this mutha...” the millisecond Push It kicks in. The way our MCs effortlessly join in with sections of the routines, within the complex blocking of the dancers' movement around the stage, is awe-inspiring. “Salt 'N' Pepa wanna thank y'all for keeping us alive for over 25 years,” Salt concludes, and even their engineer Jose gets a shout-out of gratitude. More block party than concert, Salt 'N' Pepa's mics still “sound nice”.