The Best Australian Christmas Songs

As we near the pointy end of the festive season, it’s probably fair to say we’ve all been bombarded with relentless Christmas songs of little relevance to us in Australia. Sure, the weather outside is frightful, but largely due to increased risk of sunburn rather than snowstorms, and we’re probably all sick of Mariah Carey’s All I Want For Christmas Is You by this point, so what about some local Christmas tunes?

Australia might not be the first place festive-minded music-lovers look to (though Paul Kelly’s How To Make Gravy is deserving of national anthem status), but when you begin to trawl through the country’s rich history of music, you start to see how many holiday favourites have been released into the world over the years.

With Christmas only a few days away, we’ve dug deep into the history of Australian music and plucked out some of the best songs to soundtrack the festive season, whether you’re spending it with friends, family, or anyone in between.

Bill & Boyd –  Santa Never Made It Into Darwin

When it comes to Australian culture, it’s hard to look past the way in which we all pull together in the face of adversity. That’s the idea behind Santa Never Made It Into Darwin, recorded by the New Zealand-born Bill & Boyd just weeks after the devastation of Cyclone Tracy hitting Darwin on Christmas Eve 1974.

While some might have thought the idea of being reminded by such tragedy so soon after the event would be a little too close to home, the result was a unifying experience for Australian consumers, and the track peaked at #2 on the Aussie charts, went Gold, and even nabbed them Song Of The Year at both the Australian Record Awards and Country Music Awards.

Mental As Anything –  Apocalypso (Wiping The Smile Off Santa’s Face)

Right in the midst of their biggest commercial successes throughout the ‘80s, Mental As Anything decided to take a little bit of a left turn (even though left turns were their thing) and release a slightly uncharacteristic Christmas single.

Released in November 1984, Apocalypso arrived as a track which captured some of the classic Aussie holiday spirit complete with lyrics about Santa drinking beer and gin. The track was even accompanied by a music video which won them a Countdown award for Best Video – one of the rare times a Christmas tune has ever received such an honour.

John Williamson – Christmas Photo

Never has a song managed to capture the chaotic familial nature of the holidays better than John Williamson’s Christmas Photo. Revolving around the family gathering on December 25th, the track sees Williamson laying out all the traditional activities, ranging from family catch-ups, backyard cricket, and the serving of the lunchtime fare, all framed by the goal of taking the family photo.

Of course, with so much happening throughout the day, it’s a little difficult to actually get the whole family on hand for the annual pic without a few missing members. If ever you needed a song to explain the Aussie Christmas vibe to overseas relatives, this is probably it.

Tim Minchin – White Wine In The Sun

There’s something to be said about Tim Minchin’s uncanny ability to craft sentimentality with comedy, and White Wine In The Sun is the perfect encapsulation of that. Sure, you might be cynical about all the trappings of Christmas given its commercialism and how far removed it becomes from its religious origins, but are you really a hypocrite if you still enjoy partaking in the festivities and drinking white wine in the sun with your mum? Minchin doesn’t think so, and nor do we.

Additional fun fact: Upon its 2009 release, a campaign was launched to get White Wine In The Sun to the Christmas number one spot on the UK charts. Sadly, Minchin’s track was unsuccessful, with another campaign which aimed to bring Rage Against The Machine’s Killing In The Name to the top emerging triumphant instead. Theirs was far more festive, anyway.

AC/DC – Mistress For Christmas

Never has there been a more quintessential Christmas band than… AC/DC. Well, that’s the prevailing attitude after a single listen of 1990’s Mistress For Christmas.

Apparently, the track was inspired by future US President Donald Trump, which is exactly why Brian Johnson turned his Christmas list from the standard fare of socks, jocks, and chocolates to the fantastical "female form in a minimum dress", money, and "heaven with three in a bed". Even the sleigh bells in the background won’t turn this into a family-friendly favourite any time soon.

Kate Miller-Heidke – I’m Growing A Beard Downstairs For Christmas

Kate Miller-Heidke has the impressive ability of making just about any topic sound sweet thanks to her gorgeous voice. That’s especially the case with I’m Growing A Beard Downstairs For Christmas, a track recorded by Adelaide outfit The Beards about, well… cultivating the southern forest.

An anthem of body positivity, the track is equally steeped in humour and fun, dropping in references to the likes of Tom Selleck and the scourge of spandex. Again, this probably won’t make it onto grandma’s Christmas playlist, but she’d probably appreciate the cheekiness all the same.

Darren Hanlon – Spend Christmas Day With Me

There's nothing quite like hearing Darren Hanlon sing a song with that gorgeously melodic voice and those heartbreakingly-down-to-earth lyrics. Add in a topic such as Christmas (and lyrics about pointing rayguns at pagans), and you've got a certified winner. For Hanlon though, this track (fittingly taken from his Christmas Songs single) is all about the togetherness inspired by the one you love at a time when commercialism and chaos runs rampant.

It might not be snowing, and you might be stuck with little choice of TV viewing, but at least you’ve got someone to spend the time with.

Damien Cowell – I Hope You Get Laid For Christmas

If ever you’ve listened to TISM’s Damian Cowell, then you’d be aware that his command of the witty and satirical lyric is impressive, but so much more is his ability to tap into the psyche of the average punter. In I Hope You Get Laid For Christmas, the premise is rather simple: he sees you when you’re cynical, and he knows when you’re fed up with festive cheer, so he wishes your Christmas gift is equally naughty and nice.

We might be forced to put on a happy face and smile our way through crowded shopping centres and poorly-chosen gifts, but here’s our dear narrator hoping a little bit of physical respite might await you near the end.

Kevin Bloody Wilson – Hey Santa Claus

Never has a Christmas song been more immediate and succinct than the silver-tongued Kevin Bloody Wilson and his track Hey Santa Claus. Released back in 1986 (with the single’s cover even listing it as ‘X rated’), the track captures that classic sentiment of waking up on Christmas morning, looking through your haul, and firing off a foul-mouthed tirade to the man in red about your lack of two-wheeled conveyance.

While this one probably won’t find its way into the standard Christmas hymn book any time soon, there’s no denying the unifying nature this song has around Aussies every festive season.