'I Never Know What I'm Doing': Merpire Embraces Vulnerability And Humour For New Album, 'MILK POOL'

It can often be difficult to find a musician who feels free to be themselves. Frequently, artists can feel so trained by the PR machine that there’s little personality left to share with the world. Conversely, we have artists such as Merpire.

The musical moniker of Rhiannon Atkinson-Howatt, Merpire has been around for close to a decade now, with critical acclaim coming for each of her releases.

Kicking off with a batch of singles, it was in the midst of COVID that the general public got to know Merpire on a deeper level, with her debut album Simulation Ride arriving as one of 2021’s best releases.

Since then, it’s been a little bit quiet in terms of new music, but behind the scenes, Atkinson-Howatt has been building to something special. That something special is MILK POOL, her second studio album, and one of her most accomplished releases to date.

It’s equally clever and fun, yet not without moments of vulnerability and stark honesty. It doesn’t invite the listener in only to push them away at the last second; it brings them inside and pairs that sense of frivolity with raw openness.

That’s not to say it’s a confronting piece of work; rather, it’s an album that its creator is very proud of. And rightly so, because it’s been a long time coming, and stands tall as an indicator of what Merpire is all about.

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For Atkinson-Howatt, that musical journey properly began back in 2017, alongside the release of her first single, Holding Breath. Having only just moved to Melbourne from Sydney, its release was the culmination of a busy 18 months for the musician, who had won the Telstra Road To Discovery program in 2015 and been awarded a trip to Nashville as part of the prize.

The win also included a 12-month marketing plan through Mushroom, and undoubtedly provided a sense of validation for Atkinson-Howatt, who admits that she was lacking some close musical contemporaries before the opportunity came her way.

"I didn't grow up in a musical family," she admits. "I wrote songs, played in cover bands, and played at local cafes and things like that, but it didn't seem like a career that was in reach until winning that program, until I met Andy Bull, who was one of the judges and actually went on to produce Holding Breath with me.

"I really needed that external validation from people I looked up to in the industry that seemed unreachable, because, well, I'm just little old me. But they seemed to believe in me, and that's when I thought, 'I'm gonna take it seriously.'

"I had no idea about the industry," she adds. The first step was to move to Melbourne, where a couple of friends had moved and had said it's great for music. It was one of those really crazy things where, when I got to Melbourne, within three months of being there, I had a band, a producer, a boyfriend, and a house. It just really all fell into place."

Being around a supportive musical community had undoubtedly helped Atkinson-Howatt to realise that this sort of musical career was indeed a possibility. Having played her first headline date at Clifton Hill's Some Velvet Morning, the second headliner – in support of 2018's Endless Chatter EP – was swiftly moved from upstairs at Collingwood's Gasometer Hotel to the downstairs room due to the increasing demand.

"I saw people that I didn't know for the first time who didn't have any relation to me," she remembered. "When I noticed some faces I didn't know, I was like, 'Oh wow, these could be fans. I hear of these fans people speak; these could be them.'

"It was like I'd somehow transcended this immediate friend group and was actually getting out into the ears of the public."

Of course, while this positive momentum continued, it was, however, marred by the arrival of COVID in 2020. With singles still being released into the world, Atkinson-Howatt also shifted her focus to help launch the Isol-Aid festival, which focused on livestreamed, social-distanced performances and ultimately took out Best Festival at the Music Victoria Awards in 2021, from its second nomination.

Along the way, she'd also found time to release the self-titled Wilson's Prom EP, created with collaborator and producer James Seymour before unveiling her debut album, Simulation Ride, in mid-2021.

"It was all the things," she recalls. "I had my first big breakdown a few months before that, just trying to balance releasing a debut album, launching Isol-Aid, and then working a part-time job from home.

"It was just way too much. So I ended up quitting everything and then just focusing on the debut album. And I guess because I hadn't released an album before, I didn't have anything to compare it with. I was lucky enough to have a really close-knit family of friends that I lived with, and so we had our own launch party, and we ended up doing a live show in the lounge room via Bandcamp."

Of course, once Simulation Ride was out in the world, the industry at large wasn't exactly ready for things to simply fall back into place once again. Recovery was still the name of the game, and fans wouldn't have blamed Atkinson-Howatt if that was her goal, either.

But with a debut album in the world, it wasn't simply a case of waiting for normalcy to return before launching back into it; it was a case of striking while the iron was hot. That was done by way of shows with RAT!hammock, a band in which she used to play.

A few tours took place (including a sold-out date at the Sidney Myer Music Bowl alongside Spacey Jane), and to go from no audiences to thousands of people in the crowds was enough for the Merpire project to also hit the road.

"I hadn't seen my band in 18 months apart from one lock-in in a studio we had at James' studio," she remembered. "We were having a rehearsal for a live song that we were going to record, and that was when we had the second or third lockdown, where, once midnight hits, you can't see anyone except your immediate contacts.

"But we were already in the studio and two of my housemates lived in Geelong, so we just went downstairs, bought some liquor, went back upstairs, and just partied and stayed there."

It was around this time that some of the songs from MILK POOL first started to present themselves. While lockdown was a prescient topic, as was the release of Simulation Ride, Atkinson-Howatt found herself in two worlds. "I'm somebody that really flows between purpose," she remembered. "I was really wanting something to do, and then also loving just being in bed watching movies."

Now, years down the line, alongside the release of MILK POOL, does it feel a little strange to once again have a musical mindset rooted in two different timeframes?

"I've never really been attached to certain songs needing to exist at a certain time, to be released in a certain time, or heard at a certain time," she explains. "I really think songs change with a person. If you're a listener, the first time you hear a song feels a certain way, and then maybe 10 years later you'll listen to it and it will mean something else to you.

"I love that about music. It's really nostalgic and then sometimes new if you have a new mindset for something that could be related to the song."

For those who closely followed the Merpire story, though, they'd undoubtedly recall that there was very little music released between Simulation Ride and now. In fact, between 2021 and 2025, it was just a single four-track live EP that arrived.

Needless to say, the world was a difficult one to navigate at that time, but for Atkinson-Howatt, the time between drinks was spent focusing on personal growth and gathering the resources to once again continue her creative dream.

"To be honest, I never know what I'm doing," she admits. "I'm just trying to be a human as best as I can and trying to follow some kind of shining light somewhere. In fact, only in the last – I would say, year – I've really tried to focus on that a bit more rather than following what I think is expected of me, or following goals that I've had for ten years that maybe don't serve me in the present.

"That's been a really big shift. Especially with the state of the industry, it's just getting harder and harder to have enough money to do all the things: release music, tour it with a band you might need to pay for, marketing, and advertising. It's pretty nuts to be able to afford all that without philanthropy or grants.

"But it's also been this light bulb moment for me of like, 'Well, if working three or four day jobs plus music doesn't feel good, I would be so happy just to play music with my band when I get to appreciate that,'" she explains. "I've had to choose what means more at the time rather than trying to do everything at once."

This, of course, meant that once the decision to write and record new music came about, it wasn't a particularly daunting one. Firstly, because if it's being done for the best reasons, then there's no need to feel a sense of anxiety, and secondly, because it was more a case of the album presenting itself in due course.

"I was in a very lucky situation where I was dating my producer, so we would just go into the studio and start recording and producing songs as I wrote them," Atkinson-Howatt explains. "It felt very old school, like where a famous band would just get to write a song and then walk into a studio and have a producer right there.

"We had started producing about half the record before we decided it was going to be the next record," she adds. "I guess that's what feels so special about the production on both Simulation Ride and now MILK POOL is that we had so much time to experiment and develop our working relationship to trust each other on choices for sounds and everything."

While the situation was beneficial, and the working relationship grew, it meant that the songs also had the opportunity to grow naturally instead of being forced to flower before their time. Likewise, it presented a unique case where a collection of disparate songs swiftly found themselves tied together by circumstance and retrospect.

"When we decided to actually do another album, it was a lucky situation of having lots of songs and just trying to pick a few to finish the album," she explains.

"Like Simulation Ride, it wasn't a whole concept album; the songs didn't feel like they all related together until I started spending time pulling apart different songs and different lyrics for PR opportunities.

"One of my favourite things about leasing a record is having to dive back in and work out themes and what we could pull from every song," she explains. "I'm like, 'Wow, actually these songs really go together.'"

One could argue, then, that – much like the single suggests – that the inspirational process for Atkinson-Howatt is a lot like a Premonition. "It does feel like a premonition of stuff that I haven't worked out outwardly in my head yet," she admits. "It's like all these little clues as to what I'm actually thinking deep down."

Ask any artist who releases an album and they'll likely agree there's a bit of apprehension at play. After all, there's anxiety about whether it'll be received well by the public or if it'll simply be relegated to the ash-heap of Spotify's algorithmic tendencies, or in the case of a musician like Merpire, whether it'll improve upon the reception of the first release.

Atkinson-Howatt remains level-headed and humble, largely due to her realistic approach to her previous work. "The first record didn't exactly blow up," she admits. "I didn't feel like I had anything to compare it to."

"So there's no anxiety; if anything, it's the opposite. I think this new album is even better than the last one in terms of being more confident with experimenting with sounds. It's a bit deeper, it's a bit darker, and there's a little more honesty.

"The thing that I'm most nervous about is how it could be received given the state of the industry," she adds. "I'm very proud and happy with the actual music, I have no issues about thinking if it's good enough for anything, it's more just the actual process of getting it to the people."

While there might be little to no apprehension in terms of how the record will be received (and nor should there be – it's a stellar piece of work), it's reasonable to assume there could be in regard to the content.

After all, as Atkinson-Howatt says, it's a little more honest, and there's a little more vulnerability on display. The final song, You Are Loved, is a stark, almost voyeuristic example of this, with the lyrics serving as a solemn recitation of the line: "I'm trying to remember I can be loved."

However, there's no reticence of being so open here either, with Atkinson-Howatt remembering this specific example was actually a perfect example of contrast.

"It comes really naturally to me," she admits. "I remember so clearly sitting down to do that song. It was not planned; I was really sad. I was housesitting for a friend, and the lounge room just had amazing acoustics. I couldn't stop playing and singing in that room 'cause it just sounded so good.

"I was just playing that chord progression for a while, and what I sang just came out. What's so great about that moment is that the recording you hear is the voice memo from my phone, and in the background the cat is taking a shit in the kitty litter.

"There's this scratching sound, and I was like, 'Man, that is just so my humour," she adds. "I'm feeling all into myself and vulnerable and sorry for myself, and meanwhile, a cat is doing its business, and it's just such a good juxtaposition of life. Something funny and gross to match something really vulnerable. So it was kind of a no-brainer to be the last song on the record."

While the very essence of Merpire at times seems to blend contrasts, to portray the crunchy and the smooth simultaneously, and to be vulnerable while still having fun, the question remains: what does an album like this say about Merpire in the current era?

"I think it says I take myself seriously, but then I also don't take myself seriously at the same time, given the cat," she laughs. "Also, the title of the album MILK POOL is just a reference to one of my favourite The Simpsons episodes, when Millhouse goes to sign Bart's cast and writes 'Milpool.'

"But also, the title MILK POOL, it was in a huge list of band names I have in my phone. I was just scrolling and kept landing on that one, and then when I chose it and I was sitting with it, I thought, 'Actually, MILK POOL is a really good way to explain the feeling of going into a creative project and not knowing what you're going to find.

"You're just kind of wading in, you can't see the bottom, and you're kind of trusting that you're going in the right direction," she adds. "That's the serious side of me, and then the Simpsons' reference is the silly surface level."

However, it's not all about blending humour with sincerity, because it's also an example of honesty and Atkinson-Howatt showing the listener who she is on a far deeper level than before.

"It's also showing even more of the delicacy of my brain," she laughs. "Sometimes it's like I'm trying to share what's going on in my head that I haven't shared before. Whether it's the songs about desire and being a little more open with thinking about sexuality, or just having a crush on someone.

"I feel like I've written crush songs in the past, but haven't really gone on to talk about the embarrassing moments that you would probably never tell anyone, but everyone still feels.

"Y'know, it's things like when you see them and you're like, 'Oh God, I just wish we were holding hands right now,'" she adds. "The stuff you'd say in your diary or you just never say out loud, that's what I've just decided to say."

With the MILK POOL album out in the world, a number of shows are also set to take place. Kicking off with an album launch date at Soundmerch in Melbourne on July 6th, dates in Queensland, New South Wales, ACT, and Victoria are set to follow in August.

So far, Atkinson-Howatt has played numerous Merpire headline dates, toured the UK, and sold-out shows in London. So what is it about the live experience that brings in the punters?

"I think it's showing the vulnerability on stage mixed with just some big, rocky anthemic emotional bits," she suggests. "It really helps having a really world-class band, which I'm very lucky to have. Two of the band members – Jess, my drummer, and Bec, my guitarist – have been with me since the start, since I moved to Melbourne.

"And Jono, my bassist, is also a producer and an engineer, and just one of the best guys in the world in terms of supporting the music and not trying to be front and centre. And his sounds are really considered, and he kind of naturally will help with live production because his brain just goes there."

But apart from the musicians who do back up Atkinson-Howatt on stage, it's also an example of how she manages to blend the beauty of her music with her own unique blend of humour, even if she doesn't always get the laughs she deserves.

"People say that my band is pretty funny, too," she adds. "I don't really practice. I just kind of go on stage and hope that I don't make a fool of myself. If you're not afraid to embarrass yourself, then there's nothing to worry about, I guess.

"I did mention periods on stage by accident at the Ball Park Music show recently," she laughs. "I think I was talking about being somewhere in my cycle and how the show lined up perfectly with me feeling excited and energetic, and it was kind of… crickets. Tough crowd."

Merpire's MILK POOL is out July 4th. You can pre-order/pre-save the album here.