Live Review: Robbie Williams

As Perry Como’s Magic Moments plays through the soundsystem, a troupe of old geezers wearing top hats file down the arena stairs. We draw our collective breath, hoping that they’re not headed for the row directly in front of us.

As the ruched, lilac floor-to-ceiling stage curtain drops, a wondrous, to-scale showboat set is revealed. The bow shape doubles as a catwalk to encompass the most hardcore fans. There’s as much top hat and tails action on stage as you’re likely to see at a ballroom dance competition and tappers enter the mix for Puttin’ On The Ritz.

Williams penetrates the photography pit and some randy ladies plant kisses on his cheeks as he pauses with his back to them. Cue symptoms of early menopause. We didn’t expect to hear any Williams (or Take That) hits, but Supreme gets the swing treatment early on and works surprisingly well. During No One Likes A Fat Pop Star, Williams is hoisted up in the air while wearing a fat suit and we momentarily wonder, ‘Is Robert Peter Williams [as he introduces himself these days] channelling Daryl Somers?’

The curtain drops to conceal the set once more and karaoke words dance across its folds while Williams hams up That’s Amore (all that’s missing is Jerry Lewis’s discordant chorus echoes). Williams selects Linda from the front rows to join him on stage for a showbiz wedding. Following the ‘ceremony’, he deadset pashes the bride!

When Williams momentarily leaves the stage, we are treated to a dance routine featuring tuxedo-wearing apes and safari girls. Then Williams materialises clad in the ape ensemble to belt out I Wanna Be Like You. A choir of kids sourced from Brent Street join Williams on a set of centre stage stairs for High Hopes, which is a low point – “Kerplop” is about right. Swings Both Ways closes out Act One and, fronting his incredibly talented (and classy) backing dancers, Williams demonstrates that he can also ‘proper’ dance.

Act Two commences. How did we know we’d hear Shout tonight? Assumed as a much-loved song, it’s one of this scribe’s most hated. And there’s even a sneaky reprise! Our eyes have been drawn toward a banner request all night long: Sign My Butt Robbie So I Can Get It Tattooed. And as if Williams would let such an opportunity pass him by. He signs away so she can get a tramp stamp and then Williams also kisses one bare cheek before commending that she has firm skin for a mature lady. Go Gentle (the promise via song Williams penned for his daughter Teddy) is naff, although the part when he waves at me is a life highlight. Do Nothing Till You Hear From Me is performed as a duet with his dad Peter Conway and is touching beyond belief.

We then score a medley that includes Rock DJ and Come Undone then closes with Candy. Williams tells us he was hesitant to leave the latter song in his set after discovering the song peaked at number 59 in this country. Surprise inclusion Angels is celestial and Williams is sincerely overwhelmed by its reception: “I’ve got the coolest job in the world!”

Williams is a far cry from the cheeky chappy who graced Australian stages back in his heyday (2001) wearing nothing but a kilt and Docs, but has cleverly found a way to keep entertaining through his 40s and way beyond with this swing bizness. He’s also thankfully ditched the skunk stripe in his quiff. Who would’ve thunk someone with Robbie’s chequered past would host such a classy evening? And in what other show on the planet could you hear R Kelly’s Ignition, barbershop quartet styleez, and not so much as raise an eyebrow?