Live Review: Paul Simon & Sting

Allocation is exhausted for the Ultimate VIP Package, valued at $763.61 per person. There are beanies available at the merch for $200+. That’s almost a grand already once you factor in parking! “On Stage Together” isn’t exactly the most imaginative name for a tour and it’s not entirely accurate, either, given that our co-headliners also spend a lot of time On Stage Separately.

Paul Simon & Sting are On Stage Together to kick off the show: Sting can definitely pull off the Sovereign Hill beard look, Paul Simon, however, looks like Jiminy Cricket in comparison. Is he tinier than ‘our’ Kylie? There are 15 backing players up on stage with the duo and we’re momentarily coaxed to our feet at the tail end of Brand New Day via instructional lyrics: “Stand up!” Kinda like a game of Simon Says, but without further instruction all bums return to seats – all have been warned it’s a long show. Simon and Sting trade verses on Fields Of Gold and we’re grateful Sting takes the “Feel her body rise when you kiss her mouth” line. After the obligatory tantric sex gag, Simon leaves Sting to it.

The Police’s So Lonely contains outstanding tuba, an instrument that really does evoke a marauding elephant. Sting’s voice is a unique cross between raspy and sensual. As if Craig David’s 7 Days wasn’t inspired by Sting’s Seven Days!? Even if their respective weeks do take vastly different turns. During Sting’s performance of his week-based song, the band stop on a dime to punctuate, “But Sunday’d be too late,” and then restart perfectly in unison, which showcases the virtuosos on the payroll. Peter Tickell in particular is a fiddling maestro. After the, “E-yo/E-yoyoyo!” digression in Walking On The Moon, Sting demonstrates extraordinary lung capacity when we lose count of how many beats he sustains a note for.

Simon returns bringing Mrs Robinson with him. As expected, there’s some unidentifiable percussion up there and it’s these instrumental intricacies that make Graceland really pop. This reviewer still doesn’t understand the “human trampoline” verse, however. Simon is very expressive minus an instrument: he acts out lyrics through whimsical gesture as well as playing ‘air everything’. The dude/prophet behind us yells out, “Bring Sting back!” and, is if hearing his cue, the former Police-man returns, Fragile, which they both perform. After explaining how much Simon’s America meant to him when he first crossed seas, the song, as performed by him, somehow changes point of view as if the protagonist were a tourist. Bam! Then we’re delivered Message In A Bottle, for which scattered punters rise to their feet for a boogie.

Especially while performing Simon’s catalogue, Sting often glances below his right shoulder at lyric sheets. There’s also suspected Hair In A Can, but he’s still an absolute star. And that battered bass, has it left Sting’s grasp since he first strapped it on to play? His playing would suggest not. Sting’s backing vocalist Jo Lawry is from Adelaide and harmonises impressively with Sting’s trademark timbre. Roxanne, which incorporates a segment of Ain’t No Sunshine, breaks collective hearts.

Whaddayamean Simon’s drummer Jim Oblon also plays guitar like a boss, nailing the instrumental part of Mystery Train, which is the song Simon says got him into rock’n’roll music in the first place. The drum-off that concludes Diamonds On The Soles Of Her Shoes almost makes the song not suck quite so much. Then in barnstorms You Can Call Me Al. Where’d Sting go? Musicianship is excellent as always, though: that tin whistle solo, the arresting brass and extraordinary slap bass line! Is that the guy responsible for the Seinfeld theme?

But it can’t be over yet, we need more On Stage Together. Hey! My youthful memories don’t recall Simon & Garfunkel’s Cecilia being a slut! Good on her and them. There’s added comic appeal with the, “Someone’s taken my place,” section as sung alternately by Simon and Sting. Every Breath You Take – how’s that, “Since you’ve gone...” key change? That’s what little girls’ (delusional) dreams are made of: “I keep callin’, ‘Baby! Baby! [helpless, broken, sung distantly into mic] pleeeeeaaaaase!’” We’re in bits, but are further swept away by Bridge Over Troubled Water, which Simon gestures for Sting to commence. The admiring, proud look on Simon’s face during his tour buddy’s verse answers the question as to why this partnership exists. Their contrasting deliveries offer such differing flavours when Sting opens up that larynx once more. A single note threatens to go on for eternity, just like the legacies of these two singer-songwriters.

We get one more song, just Sting and Simon performing Everly Brothers’ When Will I Be Loved, which Simon reveals is about Phil Everly, but wish to rewind to this evening’s breathtaking penultimate moment.