Live Review: NKOTBSB - Rod Laver Arena

“Lots of big, glossy photos of Nick and the boys,” a programme seller spruiks as we wander through the venue's circular foyer, lapping up this pre-show people-watching opportunity. It's a smart business move teaming a pair of heritage-listed boy bands on the same bill and scrolling down the endless surnames (Knight twice, obviously) on the back of a tour t-shirt amplifies our excitement. All of these objects of teenage fantasies in the flesh onstage at once! Hope they've got smelling salts at first aid.

There's still plenty of empty seats when Johnny Ruffo appears to warm up the arena. Those who dilly-dally miss out and Ruffo, who placed third on The X Factor last year, has improved in all areas. His original song Throw Your Hands Up takes us there. With Ruffo accompanied be just two female dancers and a dude in charge of backing tape/live keys/BVs, it's a compact set most suitable for shopping centre appearances. There's one bum note during Stevie Wonder cover Sir Duke, but it's a brave choice and he nails the rest. Ruffo's MJ tribute is impressive, but not quite to Usher's standard yet. In between song banter is great, but he's breathless – is Ruffo a smoker? Give up the gaspers, son, you've got the goods to take you far.

We clock some banners in the break: “Donnie I'm Legal Now” and “Jordan+Top Off = Heaven”. Jordan–Top = Heaven would have been better, perhaps? Many in the crowd wave accoutrements that resemble flashing dildos. Suddenly, New Kids On The Backstreet Block's live band plays Can You Feel It by The Jacksons. Rehearsal photos of individual members from both bands grace the giant screens giving punters the opportunity to cheer allegiance. Deafening pyros. Suddenly ALL NINE of them appear onstage and it's almost too much for this ticker. Coldplay's Viva la Vida is the chosen instrumental backing with NKOTB's Single and BSB's The One somehow sung over the top to open.

It kinda works; it's just confusing when you expect the original's, “For some reason I can't explain,” lyrics. But who gives a shit! We're looking at McIntyre, McLean, Knight, Dorough, Knight, Wahlberg, Littrell, Wood and Carter all at once! New Kids follow up with their 2008 comeback single Summertime and the programmed light chases that illuminate the massive catwalk culminate in a streamer/confetti explosion to punctuate the quintet's closing pose. Backstreet Boys are up next with The Call and their moves are somewhat outta sync. We call it: NKOTB are way more professional, better rehearsed and also boast superior chorey. Nick Carter tries his darndest to make up for it with vigorous pelvic thrusting and sure loves to emphasise that he is, in fact, only 32. New Kids On The Block's You Got It (The Right Stuff) scores a rapturous response, particularly once it's noted they're replicating moves from the original music video throughout the chorus. Ouch! Donnie Wahlberg's singing lets this one down, however. During BSB's Larger Than Life, Carter tries too hard during a tricky move, wipes out, tries for a fancy recovery, but then wipes out again.

New Kids invade and they're all hatted up to perform a slow, crooner section with mic stands. It's oh-so slick and you can see where Human Nature's influences lie. Joey McIntyre takes out tonight's gold medal for Please Don't Go Girl and we chuckle, “Joey would totally win The Voice!” BSB penetrate the audience to select a lady each. All four lucky selections are then escorted onto the catwalk and sit on meticulously placed stools. I'll Never Break Your Heart is the serenade song of choice and then one of the Boys suggests, “let's finish them off Backstreet style”. Turns out this means kneeling down in front of their respective stools, which is a relief. The band's predecessors return for Step By Step, which is sprinkled with a bit of Salt 'N' Pepa's Push It. Wahlberg is never without a hat, but often without a shirt. At one point he rips off his own black tank top. Pretty sure there are no complaints. 

An inflatable kangaroo makes its way onto the stage and Wahlberg shares, “I really wanna kick the shit out of this thing but it says Australia on it, so I can't.” He then sniffs a pair of undies that land at his feet and overshares, “Smells good Down Under” – too far! The Kids separate and walk right through the crowd and up to the back of the lower tier. Dannie Wood comes closest to us and despite being flanked by security he looks petrified. Then it's the Boys' turn and they enter via the back of the lower section, making their way down aisles uncharted by their forerunners. This arrangement of As Long As You Love Me sounds a lot like I'll Be Around by The Spinners. Jordan Knight hits an absolute clanger during I'll Be Loving You (Forever) and the many wincing faces in our midst concur. Kids join Boys onstage and after Carter mime-humps that inflatable kangaroo, Knight tries to one-up the rival band member by placing the kangaroo's snout at crotch height.

Everybody (Backstreet's Back) makes the perfect encore song. Then it's a NKOTB takeover when they take the stage wearing green-and-gold trakkie tops with sequinned sew-on letters that read “Australia”. Hangin' Tough contains excerpts of Queen's We Will Rock You and props must go to the musical director for this once-in-a-lifetime double-act. Backstreet come back sporting the same trakkie tops in a different colour scheme and a distinctly Sharks Vs Jets rumble vibe is created. The bands face-off with a live Everybody/Hangin' Tough mash-up. This crowd collectively lose it down memory lane tonight.