Bait 3D

There's a distinct possibility that being menaced by a shark would be more rewarding and entertaining than watching Bait 3D. I'm serious. If you avoided being devoured, a shark attack could give you an adrenalin rush unlike any other, a renewed lust for life and a heck of a great dinner-party story.

In comparison, all Bait 3D can offer is 90 minutes worth of doldrums. It's a soggy slog of a movie, one that's utterly lacking in thrills, chills, laughs or life of any description, really. What sounds like a recipe for some good cheesy B-movie fun – a tidal wave floods a small coastal town, leaving a group of people (including an armed robber!) stranded in a submerged supermarket with a predatory great white shark prowling the aisles – is pretty much botched by director Kimble Rendell and a cast unable to inject any vitality into their one-note characters.

Scratch that, there is one exception: character actor Dan Wyllie takes as many bites out of the scenery as his aquatic co-stars do, and his unashamedly hammy overacting, while ridiculous, is an enjoyable contrast to the blandness surrounding him. Otherwise, it's simply a case of marking time while you guess which character will end up suffering the great Australian bite next.

And here's the thing; it's most likely going to be the characters you think it will be. That's how predictable, pedestrian and unimaginative this misbegotten monster movie is. So here's my advice: Steven Spielberg's 1975 classic Jaws has just been released on Blu-ray. The picture and sound quality are great and there are some terrific behind-the-scenes docos. And even though it's nearly 40 years old, there's more style and substance in any given frame of Jaws than there is in the entirety of Bait 3D.