The man is a bottomless well of fucked-up wisdom
In case you haven't read it, Noel Gallagher's cover interview with Esquire is a modern masterpiece, a detailed-if-somewhat-roundabout journey into the delightfully delusional — or just unapologetically honest — mind of the one-time Oasis mega-star.
Now 48 years old and a couple of decades away from his stint at the top with brother Liam and the other blokes in mid-'90s Britpop's biggest export, Gallagher — who will head Down Under for a spot at Bluesfest next year — appears as belligerent as ever about everything from Thom Yorke and the death of youth culture to his DJ brother, Paul, who "follows [him] all over Europe".
Needless to say, it was pretty damn close to being peak Gallagher. While the entire thing is really just one big highlight, let's take some time to appreciate some of the truly most 'Noel Gallagher' things said by Noel Gallagher during his interview with Esquire.
"I’m going to say I was maybe 12 or 13. I used to get grounded a lot because I was always bunking off school and getting caught smoking and fucking glue-sniffing and all the usual '70s, '80s gear. And there was this guitar that was behind the back door – no one knows how it got there – and I used to play one string and then it kind of just went from there.
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"It wasn’t an instant thing and I never used to stand in front of the mirror with a tennis racket. I never thought I would become a rock star. It was just something to do while I waited for these two bozo parents downstairs to relent and let me out to get some mushrooms."
"I used to put us at number seven. It went The Beatles, the Stones, the Sex Pistols, The Who, The Kinks… who came in at six? I don’t know. We were at seven. The Smiths were in there, The Specials. Where would I put us now? I guess I’d probably put us in the top 10. We weren’t as great as the greats but we were the best of the rest. We did more than The Stone Roses could fucking even fathom. We’re better than The Verve: couldn’t fucking keep it together for more than six months at a time. If all the greats are in the top four, we’re in the bottom of the top four, we’re kind of constantly fighting for fifth, just missing out. Just missing out on the top four, I’d say."
"Am I aware of a hierarchy? I’m aware that Radiohead have never had a fucking bad review. I reckon if Thom Yorke fucking shit into a light bulb and started blowing it like an empty beer bottle it’d probably get 9 out of 10 in fucking Mojo. I’m aware of that."
"Look, as soon as Thom Yorke writes a song as good as fucking Mony Mony, give us a fucking shout. Me and my missus, we were at the Coachella festival a couple of years ago and Radiohead were headlining. We were like, 'Right, let’s give them one more chance. Let’s go and see them.' Beautiful, sunny night. We walked out through the crowd as they came on, and they were playing this post-techno: 'de-de de de'. We were a bit pissed. Fucking great. And then he started singing. No. Not for us. We’re party people."
"Morning Glory was slated when it came out. And then when it became the biggest thing ever – and I’ve been told this by two editors – they thought, 'We’re not going to be caught out next time.' And they lauded Be Here Now, which was clearly a shit fucking album, full of fat fucking rock stars, and then they got caught out again. And they never forgave us. They were just like, 'Wankers. We can’t fucking get on it.'"
"I’ll tell you what’s wrong. Fame’s wasted on these cunts today. Bar Kanye. You watch him on the MTV Awards and you think, 'You can fucking stay, you’re alright.'
"Does anybody give a fuck about what any of these current pop stars are up to? Who gives a shit what fucking One Direction do? Cocksuckers, all of them in rehab by the time they’re 30. Who gives a shit what Ellie Goulding is up to? Really? Adele, what? Blows my fucking mind. It blows my fucking mind. Nobody cares! Fame’s wasted on them, with their fucking in-ear monitors and their electronic cigarettes. And their fragrances that they’re bringing out for Christmas. You fucking dicks.
"There are no rock’n’roll people anymore. What people think of as rock’n’roll now is you can buy The Rolling Stones’ 1972 tour T-shirt in Topman.
"This new generation of rock stars, they look great: Alex Turner, Miles Kane, the guys from Royal Blood. They’ve got the fucking skinny jeans and the boots, and all that eyeliner. I’ve got a cat that’s more rock’n’roll than all of them put together. Pigeons? Rips their fucking heads off.
"I go back to this: fame is fucking wasted on these people. The new generation of rock stars, when have they ever said anything that made you laugh? When have they ever said anything you remember? People say, “They’re interesting.” Interesting! That’s a word that’s crept in to music: “Yeah, man. Have you heard the new Skrillex record?” “No.” “Yeah, man. It’s really interesting.” I don’t want interesting! Rock’n’roll’s not about that. To me, it’s about fucking utter gobshites just being fucking headcases. Well, not headcases. But what I want, genuinely, is somebody with a fucking drug habit, who’s not Pete Doherty. Do you know what I mean?"
For more information about Bluesfest, see our dedicated event page.