Super Bowl Unplugged: Eight Of The Best/Worst Ad Spots

The lights went out in Louisiana, but on television the real Super Bowl show went on. Kris Swales dissects this year's good, bad, and outright terrible Ad spots.

Remember when Tebowing was an actual thing? It seems like only yesterday that people were distancing themselves from planking to kneel down and give thanks to their higher power, yet 12 months have passed and Tim Tebow's saviour seems to have abandoned him if this year's Super Bowl match-up is any indication.

For those keeping score at home, the big game was between the San Francisco 49ers (aka the team once run by quarterback Joe Montana, the only American footballer most Australians knew before following NFL became an actual thing) and the ultimately victorious Baltimore Mopes Corner Boys Barksdales Ravens, the team people go for because they watched The Wire and secretly wish they were as badass as Stringer Bell. Add to that the fact that the match was being played in the home city of Treme, and you could just about call it the David Simon Cup. But we digress…

The great game of American Football was (presumably) the real winner on the day, but for people who couldn't give a fuck about two teams that they have no emotional investment in playing a sport that they don't understand, Super Bowl XLVII was only about one thing – television commercials. It's the one day of the year when advertising account execs can be guaranteed people actually pay attention to their creations, so which brands delivered the most impressive money shots courtesy of their respective 21st Century Don Drapers?

We sifted through the incompletes, Chinese field goals and touchdowns so you wouldn't have to…

Samsung Mobile USA – The Next Big Thing

Two guys named Seth Rogen and Paul Rudd walk into a hotel lobby and start trading one-liners that aren't particularly funny. Who you gonna call? Saul Goodman of course, who wisecracks his way into this ad for Samsung at just the point where you realise you're out of blue meth to kill the pain so start smoking the residue caked on to your crack pipe instead. There's a Gangnam Style joke (so late-2012, guys), then LeBron James appears on a tablet device for what should be the slam dunk, but rims out. Yeah, this ad kinda sucks. Much like ice addiction.

E-Lites – Gangnam Baby

What the hell even is/are E-Lites? Unsure, but there's a Gangnam Style joke (so late-2012, guys) about a MOTHER-FUCKING DANCING BABY AND SOMEONE NEEDS TO SHOOT IT BEFORE IT BREEDS.

Wonderful Pistachios – Crackin' Gangnam Style

Oh, for fuck's sake…

Mercedes Benz – Soul

Just in case you weren't aware of how much Willem Dafoe rules, he backs up his role as JC in The Last Temptation Of Christ to complete the rarer-than-rockinghorse-shit Good/Evil double-header with a turn as The Devil for Mercedes-Benz. And he doesn't even need his signature old man beard to pull it off – what a guy! So, apparently prospective Merc owners have to head down to the crossroads if they want to get themselves some German automotive power, but once they do they'll finally have a shot (so to speak) at Kate Upton's boobs, have a dance-off with Usher, and all sorts of other cool stuff. Oh wait, what? The new CLA-Class is under $30k, walk away, no more to pay? Reverse bait-and-switch yo! Still, needs more Dafoe beard.

Jack In The Box – Hot Mess Burger

So you thought Ronald McDonald was a freaky mascot for a burger chain? He's not even in the same ballpark as Jack In The Box – and neither are his burgers for that matter. There's something about an '80s cock rock band and How I Met Your Mother going down here, but would you take a look at that freaking burger? This two-day-old hangover of mine needs one of those artery-clogging monstrosities, stat.

Beck's Sapphire

What's a singing fish got to do with beer? We're not really sure, but then again we never did quite work out why The Chemical Brothers did a track called The Salmon Dance either. The point here is that Australia's own Chet Faker is the man providing the soundtrack with his take on Blackstreet & Dre's No Diggity, and it's being touted as a star-maker sync deal for his assault on the US market. Which other Australians would we like to see repeat the tactic? Elizabeth Rose doing I Got 5 On It for bet365.com with a guest 16 from Samuel L Jackson is a no-brainer. Put your house on it.

Hyundai Santa Fe - Epic Playdate

In which The Flaming Lips convert their current creative bankruptcy into serious $$$ with a disposable ditty for a disposable automobile. On the plus side, there's no sign of Ke$ha. (PS - decent Ad actually, I'm just a surly jerk.)

Best Buy – Asking Amy

Thank you Best Buy and Amy Poehler for providing Super Bowl Monday's only IRL LOLs. Apart from butthurt 49ers fans, that is. What a bunch of mopes.