Justin Bieber retiring from music

Justin Bieber has announced his retirement from music, in what can only be described as the best news all year.

During a recent interview with Power 106, Bieber claimed that he plans to quit music after the release of his new album. "The new album... I'm actually retiring man," he said. "I'm just gonna take some time - I think I'm probably gonna quit music."

While it remains to be seen whether he was serious or not, it does sound too good to be true. We advise cautious optimism.

In related news, the Biebs' ticket sales are reported to be on a steady decline. Experts are attributing this to the singer's recent "bad boy" (read: utter twat) image.