12-12-12 Concert: In Review

Dan Condon looks at the weird, wonderful and wrong aspects of today's mammoth 12-12-12 Concert.

It's really hard trying to work while there's a big concert spectacular happening on the other side of the world. How am I supposed to argue with editors, lie to publicists, reason with writers and write myself when there's the promise of Bruce Springsteen, Billy Joel (shut up, I love him), Kanye West and Paul McCartney, to name just a few of the enormous names, streaming live from Madison Square Garden?

I daresay there were quite a few thousand people across Australia who ravaged their workplace's internet connections and streamed today's 12-12-12 Concert, just like I did.

Things kick off in a big, big, big way as Bruce Springsteen – The Boss – and his E-Street Band smash through Land Of Hope and Dreams and Wrecking Ball (which gets a particularly big reaction thanks to its opening line “I was raised out of steel here in the swamps of Jersey”). My City Of Ruins seems weirdly appropriate, but it's the anthemic Born To Run that gets the tingles happening – even an appearance from Bon Jovi can't ruin it.

Roger Waters comes out next, one of many British artists who have for some reason ended up playing for this American cause, he pumps his fists in a manner that's typical of him but still seems kinda disrespectful, and launches into In The Flesh?. He smashes through a few tunes, notably Another Brick In The Wall Part 2 and an Eddie Vedder-featuring Comfortably Numb. Eddie actually sounds really good on the tune, though I'm not sure Roger enjoys sharing the spotlight.

For some bizarre reason Adam Sandler gets up there with Paul Shaffer, both of them doing some sacrilegious damage to Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah. I could write an essay about just how fucking wrong this performance was, but it makes me too angry and I wouldn't want to give Sandler the satisfaction.

Unfortunately Bon Jovi is back for a full set and launches into It's My Life, making us realise that maybe it could get worse than the Sandler/Shaffer fiasco.  After Wanted Dead Or Alive – on which Richie Sambora plays a fucking sick double neck acoustic guitar – The Boss comes back out to lend a hand for Who Says You Can't Go Home and, just like the way Bon Jovi couldn't ruin Born To Run, The Boss can't save this song. But, as ordinary as Bon Jovi tends to be, the sing-along for Living On A Prayer is pretty awesome.

After flashes of Tony Danza, Jeremy Piven and Steven Van Zandt all manning phones, we have Eric Clapton who starts out in acoustic mode. Thankfully that's not the case for much longer as he gives us a bit of the Strat shredding we all want to see second song in, proving that he might have hit MOR territory ages ago, but the guy can still play like nobody's business. The power-trio thing totally rules for him as well, that rhythm section nailing it down beautifully.

If you were to take bets on what The Rolling Stones would kick off with at this show, you'd have to pay out a pretty penny to anyone who suggested it might be You Got Me Rocking from 1994's Voodoo Lounge. Not exactly the most inspiring start, it must be said.  It's kinda relieving then to hear the opening riff of Jumping Jack Flash spew from Keith Richards' guitar second up. They flail about the stage with their regular cool-but-weird old man panache, and it's a pretty cool version of the song, but then Mick says goodbye and it's all over. Two songs? And one of them from Voodoo-fucking-Lounge? C'mon guys…

Alicia Keys pretty much knocks it right outta the park, a really powerful solo performance that provides a nice little change to the big rock'n'roll songs we've been treated to so far; though it's not without its unintentionally hilarious moments. “Put your cell phones in the aiiiiirrrr; We can celebrate looooove, we can celebrate liiiiife” is, without doubt, the most confounding song lyric I have heard in 2012.

There are a lot of old artists playing here tonight, but The Who really lack the spark that the best of them still possess. It is hard to say whether it's the attempted modernisation of their sound or whether the songs just sound a bit shit when sung by old dudes. Pinball Wizard, Baba O'Reilly and Who Are You are all passable, but the acoustic belt-out of Tea & Theatre (from 2006's Endless Wire) is NOT needed, this cannot be stressed enough. I even started to get angry at the people who clap and cheer during it, but then realised they're just wrapped up in the moment.

They're legendary, I love them, but they play for so long and we're all just a little bit tired by this point in time. And Daltrey must keep his clothes on at all times, even when he showers.

Back in the call centre, it's actually kinda cool seeing so many members of The Sopranos' cast in the same room again.

But next comes one of the night's truly remarkable sets. Kanye West comes out in a typically epic fashion and proceeds to deliver something so bizarre that it could only have come from his, admittedly genius, mind.

He looks like the only person on stage, storming around all lit up with massive spotlights, wearing what appears to be a leather skirt (???) and belting through tracks at a furious pace. Heaps of hits are aired – Power, All Of The Lights, Gold Digger, Runaway – it's basically a casual fan-friendly set. There's not many fans, casual or otherwise, in Madison Square Garden tonight, though.

The majority of the audience are rich white people who have come along expecting a classic rock extravaganza, which is what they get for the most part. They don't really respond to Yeezy all that well and even the applause in between songs is a bit pissweak. It's kinda funny, but a little bit sad. A quick glance at Twitter shows that a fair bit of the TV viewing audience care just as little.

Poor Kanye, he did pretty well in my opinion – leather skirt and all – and he managed to provide my absolute favourite quote of the night.

“I've got friends who were displaced due to Hurricane Sandy. I let them stay at my place.”

What a bloody hero. We know you've felt pain, bro.

People are far more excited about the appearance of Long Island's favourite son Billy Joel who rips into Miami 2017 (Seen The Lights Go Out On Broadway), a bizarre choice given it's a science fiction epic that talks about the absolute destruction of New York City.

Movin' Out, New York State Of Mind and River Of Dreams are all very nice following it up, but then he rips into the bitchin' You May Be Right and the loaded baby boomers start losing their shit. It might not exactly be rock'n'roll, but he is a fucking good songwriter and the people of New York do love him.

A bit of a gruff tip of the hat to the cause the show is in honour of (“I know it cost you a shitload of money to get in here” not the night's most inspiring line, Billy) leads into Only The Good Die Young, which is a weird song for an old man to sing, you can't deny.

Chris Martin – one quarter of Coldplay – comes out and plays something really boring, presumably to kick everyone out of the Garden so they can start preparing for the next Knicks game. Then he brings out Michael Stipe, the R.E.M. frontman looks well, and they play Losing My Religion. It sounds quite good, but it'd sound better if Martin would stop joining in on the choruses…

“I love New York,” Paul McCartney cries before launching into the incredible Helter Skelter. It's a belter of a version and means that maybe this will be even better than we were expecting. Things take a turn for the worse when Macca says those words no Beatles fan wants to hear, “This song's for the Wings fans,” and launches into Nineteen Hundred And Eighty Five.

Diana Krall comes out for My Valentine, not exactly Nirvana but most grunge fans would say the best song on McCartney's largely shithouse Kisses On The Bottom release from early this year. Blackbird is next and met with a much better response than the past couple of songs, but Macca cannot hit some of those high notes and it's actually really sad.

But then he brings Dave Grohl, Krist Novocelic and Pat Smear onstage and, despite every cool internet hero telling us it's just boring nostalgia, it actually sounds kinda fucking sweet and they smash out a brand new tune that's seriously heavy, kinda catchy and probably the best thing McCartney has done for a long time.

Another Beatles tune in I've Got A Feeling follows (why choose that song?), then Live And Let Die comes next, bringing with it a whole big mess of pyrotechnics that just kinda seem unnecessary.

Thankfully that's not the end, as Alicia Keys comes back to belt out a rejigged Empire State Of Mind that seems far more fitting, the crowd enjoy a big old naff sing-along and the curtains are drawn on this epic event.

All in all, I just hope it earns a shitload of money. You can donate here.