Band Fire ‘Straight Bassist’ On Eve Of Mardi Gras

A Sydney-based indie-rock quartet has come under fire for spectacularly sacking their “straight bassist” on the eve of their Mardi Gras concert.

The Weak Ends posted a rambling statement on queer social media network Facialbook this afternoon that read, “It's official – we've sacked our straight bassist Steve. Finally we can get someone who can put some real throbbing bass tones into the band.

“No more shit bass solos from Steve, we need someone who can really finger his beast properly!”

Steve's nickname in the group had been 'Straight Steve' since the band formed in 2013. But, an inside source told SPA Confidential that the other band members thought it was ironic until they caught him and a female groupie exploring each other after their Bell End EP launch last week.

“They thought it was an ironic grope as well until things progressed,” the source said. “What's really sad is they haven't confronted or asked him about the incident and they're already looking for a replacement member on Grindr.”

Following accusations of heterophobia from the Heterosexuals Of Moral Outrage group (HOMO), The Weak End's singer Che Bush has posted a follow-up statement on Pinterest: “I had a straight cousin once, I was totally cool with her. But when someone's skipping band bonding trips to IKEA to play sport you can tell something wrong and unnatural is going on. BTW, how sweet is this plaid swatch?”