18 Celebrity Records You Can't Un-Hear

There's no question that musicians have always been a welcome addition to celebrity circles but quite often actors, sportspeople and others in the ranks of the rich and famous decide that they can have a crack too. And that's when things start going off the rails. Whether it's rapping, singing or picking up an instrument, sometimes money and fame blind celebs to their lack of musical prowess. And for record companies looking for a quick buck, sometimes it's easier to shut their mouths, let them embarrass themselves and cash the cheques. 

Let's take a journey through eighteen of the worst records you've never heard of from celebrities you definitely have.

1. Bruce Willis
Respect Yourself

As a singer, Bruce Willis really is a great actor. Which is really saying something given the irony in the title of this song. This track from the first of two albums was a hit, rocketing into the US top 5. The song features June Pointer from the Pointer Sisters. A version of Under The Boardwalk from the same album was a #2 hit in the UK. We'll spare you that one.

2. Shaquille O'Neal
(I Know I Got) Skillz

He might know, but after listening to his debut album Shaq Diesel, the jury is out for us. There was hardly a bigger star on the planet in the '90s and when Shaq wanted to turn his hand to rap, who could say no? This 1993 debut was a reasonable hit in the US and led to three more full-length releases across the big man's career.

3. Alfie Langer, Kerrod Walters, Kevin Walters
The Broncos Rap

In the early '90s the Brisbane Broncos were on a rugby league winning streak. Smashing the Sydney teams, the then-new kids on the block were heroes, particularly in Queensland, so why not have a crack at a music career too? Well, one listen to this will answer that. The three senior players recorded under the name The Ipswich Connection, with their ear-bleeding cover of Hey Hey We're The Monkees cleverly reworked into Hey Hey We're The Broncos. The single debuted at #1 in the ARIA Queensland Charts, but flipping the cassette over is where the magic really started with The Broncos Rap. Definitely deserved a penalty. 

4. Jackie Chan
Movie Star

Jackie Chan is undoubtedly a martial arts megastar, but not everyone knows that he has been a singer for decades. With twelve studio albums under his belt and dozens of movie themes, we can't believe he got away with stunts like this. 

5. The Bacon Brothers (Kevin & Michael Bacon)
Broken Glass Premiere

If you've been an acting legend for decades in movies like Animal House, Footloose and A Few Good Men, why not follow your musical passion on the side? And why not do it with your brother in tow? They are now eight albums deep, yet their YouTube and streaming numbers are... less than spectacular. If this was all we had to play, we'd ban dancing too. 

6. Clint Eastwood
Cowboy Wedding Day

Are you feeling lucky, punk? Well, better not click on this. In 1962 there wasn't a bigger western star than Clint Eastwood, so time to pump out an album of Cowboy Favourites. He only released one album, so clearly they weren't everybody's favourites. 

7. Paris Hilton
Stars Are Blind

In a dastardly homage to The Tide Is High, this track is Autotune's worst nightmare. She may have been famous for being famous, but in her search for a claim to fame, music wasn't it. 

8. Gary Sweet
Most People I Know Think That I'm Crazy

At the time, legendary Aussie actor Gary Sweet was riding high as the star of Police Rescue. Reportedly thought of after a bad night at karaoke, the result of the recording session at least kept the spirit of the original thought. Sweet never took a trip back to the musical well again. Thank God. 

9. Eddie Murphy
Party All The Time

He'd conquered comedy and acting... time to be a triple threat. 1985 brought us this deliriously classic cut from Eddie, apparently done as a bet that he had the talent to actually record a song. Turns out he had the talent to record it and it was a decent hit. It wasn't his first cut - that award went to his comedy single from 1982 Boogie In Your Butt. If you don't think he jumped the shark before he started, there's also his duet with Michael Jackson Whatzupwitu and 2013's Red Light with Snoop Lion to check out.

10. Beau Ryan
Where You From?

Before he was the host of The Amazing Race, Beau Ryan was a professional rugby league footballer, but was better known for his antics on The Footy Show. Someone at Sony decided all that was missing was a music career, so they paired him with (the then popular) Justice Crew for this 2014 abomination, Where You From. Anyone who wanted an argument against the Australian music industry in general just copped a decent one here. 

11. Kevin Costner
Let's Go Tonight

Is this worse than Waterworld? Yep. By 2008 his illustrious acting career had nowhere else to go, so when Universal offered a record deal, Costner thought he'd give it a crack. He released four albums in quick succession with his backing band Modern West, but hasn't dropped any new bangers for a decade. 

12. Mr T
Don't Talk To Strangers

As the star of The A-Team, Mr T was the coolest dude around, so why not release an album? To take advantage of the fact that kids everywhere were listening to every word, T decided to release an album called Mr T's Commandments to use rap to teach handy life lessons like this banger tackling Stranger Danger. 

13. Goldie Hawn
Goldie

It's not well known that Goldie Hawn had a crack at a music career, with 1972's country folk album Goldie.... existing. It was recorded with the help of Dolly Parton and Buck Owens so isn't a total disaster. Although we note she didn't go back for album #2.

14. Chevy Chase
I Shot The Sheriff

There was a whole self-titled album from Chevy Chase in 1980. One of those albums where a comedian makes it KIND of a comedy album so if they get criticised they can pretend it was a joke. This is neither good, nor funny. So classic Chevy Chase...

15. Farmhouse - Emily Symonds (Home & Away), Georgie Parker (A Country Practice), Michael Horrocks (Cartoon Connection), and Chris Truswell & Julie McGregor (Hey Dad!)
These Boots Are Made For Walking

In 1991, Channel 7 decided that what Australia needed was a supergroup of actors. Bringing together Home & Away's Marilyn (Symonds), A Country Practice's Sister Lucy Tyler (Parker), Hey Dad's Nudge (Truswell) and Betty (McGregor) and kids TV host Michael Horrocks to do a serious album of covers is strange in its concept, but even stranger in its execution. If you're a fan of Nancy Sinatra, please turn away now. 

16. Hulk Hogan & The Wrestling Boot Band
Hulkster's In The House

If Billy Ocean is reading this, you might want to consider whether you need some royalties for When The Going Gets Tough, although chances are you heard it and were too embarrassed to make the connection. In 1995, wrestler Hulk Hogan decided it was time to be in a band. The results are exactly as you would expect. We'll leave it to Big Ronnie The Rocket's Amazon review to tell the story: "This cd is perhaps the greatest thing ever created by human hands. Everything about it is incredible. Hulk's flow and rhymes are unmatched. Hulkster in Heaven brought a tear to my eye. This is also a very patriotic CD. In a post 9-11 world I believe this album is all the more significant."

17. Robert Downey Jr
Man Like Me

You know how Bruce Springsteen has that gravelly quality to his voice so when he performs ballads you can just hear the passion and life experience? Yeah, this isn't that. It's the first song from his 2004 album The Futurist. It's his only album and peaked at #127 on the Billboard chart. 

18. William Shatner 
Common People

We have to leave on a high and Shatner is it. His first album was in 1968 and he's still going. So which track can we choose from such a long and illustrious catalogue? This Ben Folds-produced Pulp remake of course. Because if this listicle has taught us one thing... when the bullshit is stripped aside, even celebrities are just Common People.