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Album Review: Short Stack - 'Stack is the New Black'

14 September 2009 | 1:51 pm | Staff Writer
Originally Appeared In

Please GTFO of my life.

More Short Stack More Short Stack

Sigh. Deep breaths.

 

There’s only so much I can say about this album without pulling my hair out and getting admitted to a psychiatric hospital.

 

Everything you need to hear in this album is in the first 2 seconds of the opening track. The simple words ‘Ladies and Gentlemen’ will leave your ears cringing, burning and begging for something else.

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Sure, maybe I’m a bit biased. But to me, Short Stack is everything I hate about music rolled into one little 3-piece band. They are hollow, lack actual musical talent, and have altered their “sound” to the ‘Tween’ market – 14-year old girls who have convinced themselves that each of the members is their ‘true love’ and have no idea what real music is. Although at least this means they won’t be around for long when those girls finally grow up. 

 

Diviney’s vocals are terrible. They’re gritty, out-of-key (to a point where he’s practically tone-deaf) and piercing, like nails on a blackboard. Usually I’m against this, but, haven’t you heard of auto-tune? Although, I’m not sure if all the auto-tune in the world would be able to help these guys.

 

Looking at their MySpace page, you can see that their musical “influences” range from Blink 182, Panic at the Disco and Fall Out Boy – these bands however, actually have some form of talent, and the only talent Short Stack have is the ability to apply make-up better then most girls, and to squeeze themselves into their little sisters skinny-leg jeans.

 

One glance at any photo of this band, and you immediately get the impression that they’ve started a band for the wrong reasons – focusing on their image more then their musicianship, and on fame more then fans. 


The album cover even manages to encompass this, skull and crossbones with a heart? That’s the way to win 14-year old girls affections. No joke there. 

 

The chord progression is simple, the lyrics are terrible, and the overall execution of the songs is even worse. I am unable to comprehend how they actually managed to score a record deal, let alone reach number one on the ARIA charts on the first week of the debut release.

 

 
But in order to try and remain whatever amount of objectivity I have left, I took the album to a few friends, and tried to get their opinions. Many refused to listen, covering their ears and screaming expletives. One listened to exactly 13 seconds of ‘Princess’ before tearing the headphones away and saying he’d “rather grind my testicles in a garlic crusher then listen to this shit.” And yes, that is a direct quote folks. 

 

So, yes, bring on the comments saying how wrong I am and how shit this review is and how Short Stack are “amazing and talented” musicians. I apologies in advance if this review offends you in some degree, I just dislike it so much. It’s another example of a ‘trend’ band taking advantage of young and impressionable teens who think that clothing from Jay-Jays is punk or that playing music from your mobile-phone on public transport is badass. I can only hope that this will not last much longer.

Definitely not worth listening to if you’d like to keep your ears.

  1. Ladies and Gentlemen – 3.27
  2. Princess – 3.18
  3. Shimmy A Go Go – 4.04
  4. Sway Sway Baby – 2.51
  5. In This Place – 3.31
  6. Drop Dead Gorgeous – 2.54
  7. Counting the Stars – 3.26
  8. Before Angels Fall – 3.13
  9. The Back of My Head – 4.02
  10. One Step Closer – 3.28
  11. It’s4U – 3.02
  12. 17 – 4.14
  13. We All Know – 3.26
  14. Thick As Thieves – 5.20