Live Review: Guns N' Roses, Wolfmother

As we wander through the Melbourne Cricket Ground car park, a trumpeter dressed as Elmo plays a stirring rendition of Europe's The Final Countdown. Wolfmother are already on stage as we make our way to our seats and the dulcet tones of New Moon Rising and Woman massage our eardrums in preparation of Andrew Stockdale's rock posturing. The band adroitly warm up the amps and Wolfmother's backdrop featuring the Victorious album's artwork — a wolf with laser beams shooting from its eyes — is arresting. Stockdale's vocals are a bit scratchy during White Unicorn; he's not quite road-ready. "This is our first gig in Melbourne in two years!" the frontman announces. Standout track Apple Tree brings a demented punk edge and Stockdale's impressive 'fro would be visible from the moon. Closer Joker & The Thief perfectly demonstrates Stockdale's guitar wizardry.

To those who arrive during the break and tease their already-seated mates ("What? You wanted to see Wolfmother? Hahaha"): your loss, losers. Barry White is an interesting choice of venue sound system music, but keeps us calm before we carry on.

Visuals come to life on the screens, teasing us that Guns N' Roses' set is about to commence. The pistols in the band's classic logo turn 3D and start firing warning shots. There's a couple of intro tapes including Merrily We Roll Along (the Merrie Melodies/Looney tunes theme) and then The Equalizer, which makes us froth for the main event. We're mistakenly referred to as "Sydney!" by GNR's long-time instrumental tech McBob (something the band have since apologised for via Twitter). We'd almost given up hope of seeing Axl Rose, Slash and Duff McKagan sharing a stage until they reunited for Coachella 2016 (hence this tour's name: Not In This Lifetime), so clapping eyes on the beloved trio arriving on stage to perform It's So Easy is a teary moment. And the band's opener could be Slash's theme song, he makes playing his assortment of sexy axes — we'd actually love to find out how many times Slash changes up guitars during a single show — look as easy as tying shoelaces. There's pyros from the get-go as well as puffs of weed smoke that get us high by association.

Debonair bassist McKagan sports a customised Motorhead T-shirt and pays tribute to Prince via his stylish cream guitar with purple love symbol — the man is aaaaaaall class. We can't help but wonder whether Rose shares a make-up artist with Donald Trump, though; why so Oompa-Loompa orange, but white around the eyes? Sunbed goggles, perhaps? By song four, Welcome To The Jungle, they're absolutely firing. Slash's playing is like the finest aria; his instrument appears to become a swooning mess in those hands. Rose probably needs to pay excess baggage for that weighty bling alone. And his mic stand even changes colour, ferchrisakes. As for Rose's famous snake dance? It's more of a sideways shuffle these days, with minimal pelvic action. 

Although amazingly executed, Gunners' visuals have a retro feel with the Kama Sutra skeletons a particular highlight. Come, on, now! There totally should've been pyros to punctuate Live And Let Die. You Could Be Mine is absolute insanity. McKagan gets his moment to shine (during a cover of Attitude by Misfits) and we do admire his perfect posture. Then Rose sings a ballad, This I Love, which contains a lot of screechy notes, while wearing a black leather jacket with white skeleton applique and OTT is an understatement — this bit calls to mind The Hoff on Broadway. Could Rose's outfits be any more excessive? Bandanna under hat with scarf tied around it, ripped jeans, embellished flanno around waist, decorative leather jacket and crakows. Civil War is epic and Rose introduces one member of his band as what sounds like Randy Gringo, before correcting himself and admitting, "I can't keep up!" McKagan has now changed into a T-shirt that reads "No Fucks Given".  

It really is all about Slash and his impossibly fast fingering, though. His guitar moans and acquiesces. Having witnessed this treat during his own shows in the past, we can't believe our luck when Slash plays Speak Softly Love (from The Godfather) so effortlessly and with flamenco flourishes. But then in comes that carnivalesque Sweet Child O' Mine riff and we just about explode with happiness. Slash: How do we love thee? Let us count the ways.

Then Angus Young is welcomed to the stage, almost unrecognisable in his non-school uniform civvies, for AC/DC's Whole Lotta Rosie. We knew all along that Gunners were heavily influenced by AC/DC, but seeing them all up there together it suddenly makes sense and we swell with national pride. Young propels across the stage like a possessed broken toy and we're truly not worthy. This opportunity to compare and contrast two of the world's best guitarists, Young trading licks with Slash, thrills. After Young leaves the stage, Slash and Richard Fortus duet on Pink Floyd's Wish You Were Here. Slash is so buff that he's actually exploded out of his sleeveless shirt — which is now completely open — like a hot, not-green Incredible Hulk.

When Rose sits at the grand piano for the Layla intro into November Rain, it's the best Valentine's Day present we could ever wish for. Those oversized rings are surely a tribute to Liberace. And of course sparks rain down during Slash's solo  — as they bloody well should. Knockin' On Heaven's Door becomes Nightrain and one measly pop of a firework is a fizzer, production-wise, for this main set closer. 

Our encore comprises Don't Cry then Gunners belter of an anthem, Paradise City. The vape smoke smell is strong as red, white and blue ticker tape detonates over the crowd and Rose easily hits peak notes: "TAKE!/ME!/HOOOOOOOME!" We could've done without Rose's "Aussie-Aussie-Aussie"/"Oi! Oi! Oi!" call-and-response to conclude. Slash shows off even further with a controlled handstand before leaving the stage. Our rock'n'roll dreams have definitely come true, but a punter overheard in a bar post-show sums it up perfectly: "I mean, if they were touring without Slash? Nah."