Live Review: Bruno Mars

The GA section is packed from sound desk to stage even before the support act finishes and punters are truly pumped. A black curtain with royal crest featuring red crown - which could definitely have been shared with Queen, who played this venue last week - lowers and the crowd's wild cheers encourage roadies to hurry up and set up the stage for Bruno Mars! There's a shitload of 24K Magic merch on bods and barely contained excitement fills the arena as we anticipate the Hawaiian artist who performs his first of four sold-out Rod Laver shows this evening.

Finally, the house lights dim, we hear Mars' AutoTuned voice encouraging us to scream from behind the curtain (no encouragement necessary). "Are You Ready?" he chimes as this question also graces the giant screen and then new jack swing beats that call to mind Bell Biv DeVoe's Poison punctuate the rising curtain as smoke billows from the stage. Then Mars and his all-singing, all-dancing band bust synchronised moves while performing Finesse (avec finesse). The stage set is quite bare, but not boring; it lights up multi-coloured from underneath but there's only a keys console and drum kit up there, which gives this freakishly talented band plenty of room to strut their stuff. Mars employs a fairly minimal backing band, but they bring it. And watching guitarists - as well as the brass section - keep up with Mars' dancing could never get old. The audience squeals just keep on coming. And obviously Mars is a decent dude to work for since every one of his backing musicians sport massive grins that threaten to split their faces in half from go to woah!

Mars encourages us to have fun rather than take pictures or videos. "Come on, Melbourne, we came a long way. I wanna see y'all movin'... I wanna see you all dancin' with us!" Just like in his video clips, Mars' band often get in formation behind him, perfectly in sync and vying for their leader's dancing crown while moving easily. The chorey is never forced - they're having a party up there. "Treasure, that is what you are!" We're talkin' to you, Bruno!

The pyros just keep on coming - what are those pretty glittery ones? By song three, our cheeks hurt from smiling then Mars promises to take it to "the next level" before Perm. The left-versus-right contest gets an extra boost 'cause the whole band moves from one side to the other - a travelling gee-up circus! A winning side is never determined, but it doesn't matter since we're all winners here. Then it's straight into Calling All My Lovelies during which Mars plays guitar, taking a solo like he's related to Prince. And Mars does some ad-libbing in the Halle Berry voicemail section: "You said you wanted to go to Paris or The Bahamas and I said, 'Nah, fuck that! We're goin' ta Melbuuuuurn.'" Hilarity ensues.

A platform rises up in the centre of the stage - containing a saxophonist, bass player and trumpeter - for Chunky. "I got what you want"? No shit, Sherlock! Not a single beat goes unrecognised; there's always one of those damn fine backing players punctuating it somehow - whether it be with a pelvic thrust or a shoulder pop - even when they're also busy playing guitar or brass. There's giant sparklers across the back - what!? We've never seen those before!

Then the band try to teach us a move and Mars jokes/encourages, "Come on, you don't wanna be shit!"

Message to international touring bands: we actually hate the whole, "Aussie-Aussie-Aussie/Oi-Oi-Oi" call-and-response thing. Mars makes this marginally better by actually singing it, but still: WE FUCKING HATE THAT SHIT!

The sax solo, though! And the saxophonist is wearing a baseball singlet, long shorts, white baseball cap and long, knee-length white socks (pulled up) without looking like an idiot!? Marry me. Bass player Jamareo Artis boasts the killer moves while making our hips shake and laying the perfect foundation. Upside down 'L'-shaped structures descend from the heavens onto the stage and the set's moving parts are always perfectly complementary.

"Melbourne, if you're gonna be quiet, we're gonna be quiet, too," Mars teases and then busts some sick moves in the silence (well, accompanied by scattered screams and hollers of approval). We actually can't imagine Mars ever not dancing: in the supermarket checkout, on the beach - we're pretty sure he'd even dance while he's brushing his teeth and we're tipping his step of choice would be The Running Man.   

A lot of the funky instrumental parts in Mars' songs sound like tributes to the late, great Godfather Of Soul: James Brown.

Mars then gives his dancing band a break (except for one keyboardist) and sings When I Was Your Man. The set lowers down over Mars like a protective claw. In the absence of MJ, we'll take BM any day of the week - those sustained notes never waver from their intention while still somehow maintaining some spontaneity. Then John Fossitt performs a keys solo that makes our hearts ache - if only kids got off Minecraft occasionally, took piano lessons and practised every hour of the day then they just might wind up like this guy! Unbelievable.

The rest of the band have time for a costume change (into more sports gear) then return for that song with the sample that sounds like someone repeatedly stepping on a rubber duckie: Locked Out Of Heaven. Glittery gold ticker tape rains down (even though we're pretty sure heaven's choice of metallic colour is silver). Runaway Baby sees the band's moveable playas forming a line across the front of the stage for their chorey.

"This song is for each and every one of you, it's called Just The Way You Are," is how Mars introduces their main-set closer. He then requests that the house light be brought in and, although our singalong's not the most tuneful it's certainly enthusiastic. Mars' sustained note - a stunning melisma showcase - closes this song and we're left gawking at the stage with jaws dropped.

The curtain comes down.

What!? Wait a minute! But then it rises up again. Such a tease! "Don't believe me just watch!" Uptown Funk is all that and then some. We anticipated hanging out for this hit, but then miraculously didn't ever wish for it during the actual show. But now that it's here and there's explosions/pyros throughout, it's getting hot in 'herre'. We all belt out the song's lyrics while pogoing, there's a shower of sparks across the back of the stage and then some firemen walk out with hand-held fire extinguishers to put out the fire Mars has lit as the curtain lowers once more, this time for good. "Good lord!" plus one announces at show's close, which pretty much sums it up. Now that we've seen these guys in action, it's never gonna be enough for musicians to just play their instruments anymore.