Five Ways To Get Drunk In The Office When You Have To Work On Cup Day

2 November 2015 | 4:08 pm | Staff Writer

Variations welcome!

Victorians, go on, you guys go frolic in your suits and spring dresses, unashamedly drinking for 13 hours straight, there's nothing to see here — this one goes out to the rest of Australia who more than likely have to work on Melbourne Cup Day and have to get a little ingenious about how they get a little crunk in the office.

spike the water cooler

This one takes a little bit of pre-planning, but we're thinking some chopped up blueberries, pears, strawberries and apples soaking in the cooler all day, along with a dash (a bottle) of vodka. Cut a big hole at the top of your cooler and have the best water cooler conversations of your life.

On the other hand, you could try and get the boss to hustle up one of these bad boys.

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Song you must listen to as you drink: Killer Queen — Queen (1974)

Don't get super excited, though, they're special order only and were made in 2011, so you're probably shit out of luck.

coffee flask 

*yawn* Oh, the kids kept me up all night and I woke up late and the dryer didn't work properly and my dog ate my car keys so I couldn't wear what I wanted to and that's why I had to make my coffee at home and bring it in a flask. Except your coffee flask is full of Jack and Coke and you're still drunk from Monday night and just wanted to keep drinking on the train to work. Totally cool. We get it.

Song you must listen to as you drink: Tubthumping — Chumbawamba (1997)

If you're gonna drink at 8 in the morning, at least do it in style.

frozen vodka watermelon 

Another trick that requires a little forward thinking is the ol' lunch box full of frozen (alcoholic) watermelon pieces. You'll of course need to do the spiking and refrigerating the night before but come Cup Day, you get to look like you're having a healthy snack for morning tea! 

Song you must listen to as you drink: Drunk In Love — Beyonce (2013)


You'll be playing this one after the race, because there ain't anything subtle about it. You'll need a bunch of plastic champagne glasses and a lot of champagne. We expect this will be quite a bit trickier than traditional beer pong but maybe the office can find a way to up the ante. 

If Mariah Carey can do it with Jimmy Fallon, so can you.

Song you must listen to as you drink: Champagne Supernova — Oasis (1995)

goon of fan-tune

Obviously, this only works if you have a ceiling fan in the office. You'll also need A) a table to stand on, B) regular reminders to mind your head and, C) a hiding spot for your OH&S safety guide.

Song you must listen to as you drink: Soldier Of Fortune — Deep Purple (1974)

Rosé from BWS, because you're a little bit fancy.