The Final Thought: You think you're controversial Milo Yiannopoulos? You got nothing on Kathy Griffin

So, you think you're controversial, Milo? You think that, as a white, middle-class, right-wing man, your stance on women and racial minorities is shocking? You think, as a mouthpiece for an extremist hate rag, that calling feminism "cancer" and rape culture "a myth" is outrageous? You think that because you're a gay man of privilege who is utterly divorced from the LGBTQ community, that your stance against same-sex marriage equality is scandalising? You think because you're so much younger than your alt right buddies, like your new BFFs Andrew Bolt and Mark Latham, that you're giving your movement a shot in the arm, an injection of cool? And do you imagine we don't notice the desperation in your styling; your pathological need to be noticed at any cost? Do you think your hate-mongering, fear-spreading obsession with online trolling, while dressed like a gay conversion therapy scarecrow, makes you "dangerous"? And do you think being dangerous is something worth boasting about? Well, it is the title of your autobiography.

Sorry to burst your bubble Milo, but in these times of alt-right cluster-fuckery, you're becoming a tragic cliche, one that gets more redundant with each passing Brexit, Travel Ban, and Plebeshite. If you really want to cause controversy, I suggest you take a leaf out of Kathy Griffin's book.

After all, you both sold out your Australian tours. Granted, she has actual talent, whereas you're just gobshite with frosted tips, but let's focus on why Griffin is a virtuoso of subversion, rather than the finer points of her craft. For starters, while by her own admission she 'doesn't give a fuck," she does actually care what people think. I hear you gasp, Milo, but empathy can be your friend too. It's given Griffin the objectivity to laugh at herself. She knows she's irritating as fuck, but by owning that flaw she's given her punters the license to laugh with her, not at her.

This has been an especially essential skill during the white-hot hysteria in the wake of her infamous Trump photo. Surely you can empathise with Kathy, just a tiny bit on this? You're like two peas in a pod: she held up a bloodied mannequin head for a satirical photoshoot and was inundated with death threats, subjected to a two-month federal investigation, and put on a no-fly list without ever breaking a single law. You advocated for paederasts and had to give a short apology statement, only to come back a few months later, seemingly unscathed and unrepentant. After that ordeal, Milo, surely you can feel some solidarity?

But probably a fair bit of envy too, right Milo? I mean, she cranked up the right's phoney outrage machine into overdrive without ever uttering a word, typing a tweet or mobilising a digital army of racists to hound Leslie Jones. As someone who traffics in the same relentless attention seeking, that must have smarted, just a little. If only you could still raise hackles like that, Milo. Now the best you can manage is blowing raspberries at Clementine Ford via The Daily Mail.

But perhaps the most important lesson Kathy can give you, Milo, is her sheer, defiant refusal to be obliterated by a country that is so morally colour blind, it would equate a publicity stunt with an act of terrorism, while simultaneously allowing its leader to start nuclear Armageddon with a tweet. That, as a woman, she was able to weather the storm of an industry so comfortable with misogyny, sexual predators are only challenged after they have decades of assaults under their belts. Imagine if you could muster that same spirit, Milo. You might just be able to break out of the echo chambered hall of mirrors that must surely be your ego. And wouldn't that make the world just a tiny bit less shit than it is right now.