The Queensland Government are set to reveal plans for ground-breaking new laws that they believe will curb the prevelance of emo bands across the state, SPA Confidential can reveal today.
The Campbell Newman helmed LNP Government will establish so-called “Emo Laws” that will allow special powers to police when dealing with any person seen to be a part of an emo band or fan club of an emo band, or “vicious emotional associates” as they are being called.
The laws will mean that any congregation of more than two people wearing the logo of an emo band will be arrested and, if found guilty of a crime or a particularly earnest piece of derivative pop-punk, could be jailed for up to 15 years.
During their time in prison, the offenders will be forced to wear t-shirts of indie-rock bands, pop stars and, in extreme cases, local sporting teams.
“Emo has been a problem in our state for too long and it's about time we drew the line and did something about it,” an unnamed government source said this afternoon. “All these bands ever seem to do is complain and describe things in the kind of flowery detail that is excessive and frankly doesn't often make any sense.”
Police will be able to target people who they believe may have an association with an emo band, which has other rock bands in the state concerned.
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“There's no way we're an emo band, but how are the cops to know that?” Sam DeShell of local death metal group Aggregator told SPA Confidential this afternoon. “The emos wear black clothes and so do we, but we play death metal and thrash and we're starting to get into a bit of grindcore.
“We don't want to be associated with emo groups and we don't want our rights violated by these stupid laws.”
No civil liberties groups would comment on the matter when approached by SPA Confidential this afternoon, claiming they had “real work” to do.
