Kanye Hates Australia. How Long Can The Conspiracy Continue?

Internet commenters were quick to call conspiracy after the ARIA album charts were retracted on Monday due to a data error that saw Troy Cassar Daley and Adam Harvey's The Great Country Songbook beat Kanye West's Yeezus to the number one spot was spotted and the rapper was granted top spot.

SPA Confidential has examined a series of events since that have taken place in Australia over the past five days and discovered a disturbing trend that ties the Chicago-bred rapper to numerous incidents that have affected Australians – including working families – in numerous ways.

One incident took place Tuesday morning in the Sydney CBD. After SPA Confidential had put together a plan to traverse the country to find evidence of Kanye's influence on the nation, a well-earned cronut was in order. A frankly ridiculous lengthy wait for the pastry treat ensued before this investigative reporter could take no more.

“Hurry up with my damn croissant!” we yelled, before being asked to leave the establishment.

A call from a source in Canberra on Wednesday afternoon was even more worrying.

“I can confirm that Kevin has been playing Yeezus non-stop for almost three days now. When he gets to I Am A God, he repeats it four, five, sometimes even six times. Something is going on,” a pal of a friend of an insider to the office of Mr Rudd whispered violently.

Could a hip hop artist be responsible for such a monumental change in the leadership of our country? It appears almost certain.

A trip to Brisbane on Wednesday night for the State Of Origin gave further confirmation of Kanye West's power over our country's biggest leaders. When referee Ashley Klein had four players sent to the sin bin in the 54th minute, people thought he had gone mad with power, much like Mr West has been accused of in the past.

When approaching a gentleman who looked a lot like Mr Klein in the bathroom of the Caxton Hotel at 3.14am, SPA Confidential received the following statement, directly from Yeezus' On Sight.

“How much do I not give a fuck? Let me show you right now before you give it up,” he said.

Not since Daft Punk won the 2013 Yackandandah Everyday Hero Award have we seen such a disturbing wielding of musical power over our country's most important

We ask Mr West this. When will the madness stop? What have we done to deserve this? How can we appease you? This has gone on too long.