It’s Official: ‘The Web Is Dead’

The speed at which media and communication technologies are developing in the modern age continues to claim victims as media experts are now coming to the realisation that, like print before it, the internet is dead.

With a host of websites forcing to close their doors for a variety of reasons, analysts are now searching through the virtual rubble for answers.

Sydney based expert Mark Etingwanker told SPA Confidential today, “We really thought the internet was going to be the next big thing and that it would be here forever. In hindsight we should have paid more attention to the MySpace lesson – if you fill somewhere with irritating morons then people are going to start leaving.”

Major media companies and independent publishers alike are now scrambling to cut their losses and leave the internet format behind as they struggle to remain profitable and their pay-walls are consistently thwarted by bored six-year-olds at recess.

Attention is now turning to the next platform for mass media communication and it appears that methods from the past will influence the future.

Etingwanker said, “The inside word from a few of my media buddies is that the big companies will be installing massive notice boards in each of the major cities. Friends will then page one-another to notify them of new announcements.”

The concept of a pay-wall may also be implemented, with some 'premium' message boards being located on an island accessible only after completion of one of those 'obstacle courses' constructed by corporate team building firm Amazon iAdventures.