‘Triple J Gave Me Herpes’

A 24-year-old music fan is considering legal action against public radio broadcaster triple j after he claims the station gave him a sexually transmitted disease.

Paul Thomas is angry at the station that he previously supported after he alleges that it had specifically and knowingly embarked on a campaign to make his life hell.

“My fiancé went out the other night and didn't come home,” Thomas said. “The next day we got intimate when she got home and I developed herpes shortly after.”

At first Thomas was confused about how he contracted the disease, but after hiring a private investigator to look into his girlfriend's whereabouts he learned that she had spent the night with triple j.

“I think that, as a publicly funded network, they have a responsibility to me and others like me to support rather than punish. I remember when triple j used to be nurturing and considerate and helpful, now I just have a really bad rash and my fiancé is gone. Triple j stole my fiancé!”

In a fit of rage Thomas accidentally killed his dog and now has a hangover after drinking two bottles of vodka last night. He blames the dead dog and hangover on triple j and intends to include them in his lawsuit.

It is expected that Thomas will receive support from a Melbourne-based organisation who are blaming the radio station for the current heatwave, as well as a girl from Fremantle who is holding triple j responsible for the fact that her headphones are getting tangled all the time.