Star Wars Day Ruled "Fucking Pointless" And "Annoying"

4 May 2012 | 3:48 pm | SPA Confidential

A court ruling has decided that Star Wars Day is both "annoying" and even "fucking pointless".

Today the low court of pissed off human beings who live in the real world ruled that Star Wars Day, 'celebrated'  annually on May 4, is both "annoying" and even "fucking pointless". The decision came after a six-minute trial this afternoon, which was prompted by ordinary, middle-class, mum-and-dad civilians being bombarded with Star Wars references across everything, from morning radio to social networking to the office jerk, this morning.

While the origins of the day are of such little importance that SPA Confidential didn't even bother to search it on Wikipedia, it is believed the day is held 4 May every year due to a loose and questionable relationship between the pronounciation of "May the fourth" and "May the force [be with you]".

The court today acknowledged that while the movies were pioneering and, for the most part, enjoyable, Star Wars Day has developed into its own entity for those who have very little else to fill their otherwise dull days.

The honourable Judge Johnson wrote in the court reports that, "Not only is this irritating to the point of quite annoying throughout the day, but you just know that your muppet of a next-door-neighbour, who lives with his parents at age 30 and still thinks that making primitive light-swords out of wood counts as being a 'handyman', is going to use the excuse to have a themed dress-up party."

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The honourable Johnson added, "I do not want to be kept awake by the sound of fucking spaceships and Jar-Jar Binks until 2am. I mean, there's no atmosphere in space to carry sound and that Binks character was as abomination anyway."

A star witness at the trial argued that while she personally had no problems with fans of the sci-fi genre, she prefered hardcore fans of Star Trek and other niche, nobody-else-gives-a-shit television shows.

"What really pisses me off is that these nerds think that by pushing 'Star Wars Day', claiming their religion as 'Jedi' in the Census and jerking off to Star Wars burlesque nights, they think that everyone else gives a shit," she said.

She continued, "Guess what? We don't. Piss off."

SPA Confidential didn't contact any Star Wars fans for comment.