It's About The Beard... And Meat

22 January 2016 | 3:27 pm | Brynn Davies

"We'll eat any meat really, but only for the nutritional value as protein equals beard growth."

More The Beards More The Beards

Meatstock sounds like every red-blooded male's paradise. A festival dedicated to music, meat and everything in between, the line-up of bands and events puts hair on your chest just looking at it. Held at Sydney Showgrounds, expect to see beers, BBQs and beards a plenty — the latter of which will be playing comedic folk rock on stage.

The Beards are an Australian comedy folk rock and beard enthusiast group, comprised of Johann Beardraven, John Beardman Jr, Nathaniel Beard and Facey McStubblington. Basically, these dudes look like they know their way around a BBQ, right?

"We may look as if we like a BBQ, but in reality we don't actually like anything that isn't a beard. We'll eat any meat really, but only for the nutritional value as protein equals beard growth. We make a point of not enjoying food or anything else, lest it distract us from what is really important (beards)," says Nathaniel Beard.

"We'll be doing our best to shift the focus from meat to beards."

Ah, okay then. So they really like beards. Meatstock is set to be rife with beards of all shapes and sizes, often manning the BBQ's — folks like Bovine & Swine Barbecue Co and chef Josh Arthurs of Burgers By Josh will be serving up some tasty meaty morsels with a side of facial hair (not to eat… they just have it). The Beards are certainly looking forward to being among their own kind in what is set to feel like a big backyard on a hot summer's day, but they're feeling the competition from the BBQ area. "We're very much looking forward to taking to the stage and regaling the audience with a relentless amount of our very finest songs about beards. We'll be doing our best to shift the focus from meat to beards. It's going to be beard," says Beard.

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Any chance they'll expand the theme of their set to songs about meat as well as beards in order to be more accommodating for Meatstock? "We have no plans to expand our theme in any way at any point for any reason," states Beard. Well, how about the Barber Wars going down at Meatstock? That will be more up The Beards alley than, say, The Barbecue Wars or The Butcher Wars. "Hopefully those barbers will be respectfully sculpting beards and doing as little beard-removal as possible. If we get word they are doing anything reckless, like removing beards entirely, we'll be tempted to mosey over their way and make them endure the ultimate punishment — a stern verbal reprimand."

Maybe the band will just stick to performing and let the rest of us stuff our faces with burgers, get a cutthroat shave and dance off the meat-sweats to some awesome bands.