Good Or Shit: Misogyny Vs Misandry

I have learnt a new word - misandry. Without getting too technical, it means 'the hatred of men and boys'. That's right there is a word for this and it's not 'feminism' as many people like to assert.  

Now, as the child of a strong-minded independent woman who had a lot of strong-minded independent female friends I learnt the word misogyny at quite an early age. In the years spent learning how to cook, clean, sew and sit with my legs together, as well as how to change tap washers, knock walls down, clear roof gutters, hammer nails, dig holes, and meddle with a fuse box – recognition of sexism and misogyny was easy because it was usually an insulting misrepresentation of who I was and am. Perhaps I was also taught the word misandry but forgot it because I was too busy trying to read a map.

I really only learnt the word when a recent experience had me Googling 'songs about violence against men' (it's a long story involving an 8ft man-mountain, me in a state of absolute terror, followed by absolute fury, and the urge to commit a violent act towards a man).

Well, well, well according to feministcriticsdotwhatever and antimisandrydotgivemeabreak, there are loads! Most of them performed by Beyonce. Lyrical content encouraging girls to leave their men at home and get to the club because there are 'ballers' with their bulging wallets hanging out and their flash cars on display; or dumping men who are too nice and call all the time; demands that men pay her bills. But is this actually misandry? Has this lead to a wave of misandrinistic societal behaviour – as put forward by some bloggers - whereby a Saturday night in the city sees carloads of women hanging out the windows, wolf whistling at men, and crassly demanding to see the inside of their bank accounts? Isn't this just regular old misogyny? Encouraging you to get a man who will financially support you – most important aspect to a relationship because you as a woman won't be able to do it yourself – and just hope he doesn't beat you – but, if he does, it's probably your fault for mouthing off at him in the first place – and that he's faithful and nice to you occasionally – these last two are elements definitely lacking in Beyonce's relationships, the evidence is in the rest of her repertoire.

Another site claimed that misandry was to be found most often in country music. Songs like Miranda Lambert's Gunpowder And Lead, which is what she has waiting for her man when he gets home thinking he's going to smack her 'round again. Also in this genre comes a song made famous by the Dixie Chicks called Goodbye Earl. Earl put his partner in intensive care one too many times so her and her girlfriends got all Witches Of Eastwick on him and poisoned his arse. Yeah, misandry seems pretty rife around these parts, women are singing about killing violent men! But then, aren't those the same parts where your local cherry pie-baking grandmother doubles as maverick border patrol and shoots Mexicans?

What really made my eyes roll were the inclusions of things like Jazmine Sullivan's Bust Your Windows and Kelis's Caught Out There. These are songs about betrayal and revenge. These women are smashing cars, not faces. They're burning belongings, not Rihanna. They hate you 'the philandering boyfriend' so much right now, not you The Oppressive Patriarchy.

I couldn't help but feel that these attempts to reveal a rampant misandry in popular music – and therefore in the female mind –  sounded a bit too much like 'mieeeew mummyyyy … I think I wet my pants'. Bit too much like someone was shaking my Coopers Green. You can roll it – but don't bloody shake it.

Perhaps given that we now live in an era where female pop-singers are multiplying faster than the Romneys, we're finding ourselves more often exposed to expression of female wants, needs, and experiences – however confused and contradictory they may seem. Am I an independent woman or, am I a kept woman demanding to be kept because, if I demand it, it shows I'm liberated? If I destroy a man's belongings after he hurt me does it mean I hate men or, does it mean I need to read more Eckhart Tolle? If I kill my husband after years of him beating me unconscious every night is it misandry or temporary insanity?

I don't believe that women singing about independence, not needing a man to make it happen, or not wanting no scrubs, indicates rampant misandry spreading throughout popular culture like tinia at a public pool. I'm not denying that there may be an attack element in there, it's to be expected, it's reactionary. Women have been the 'Middle East' for centuries – much more preferable when covered in oil, totally terrifying – and a real nuisance – when demanding respect and equal rights. Right now they're in the process of working it all out. Give it time.