Song My Parents Taught Me

28 March 2013 | 3:58 pm | Staff Writer

"The cockatoo turned to me AND HE HAD A MAN’S FACE PAINTED ALL WHITE. He stared at me and I woke myself up before my brain imploded."

Describe yourself in exactly 140 characters (length of a tweet)? Drag-queen-trapped-in-tubby-goth-girl's-body, Sparklepuppy, @thelisaskye, funny as, PLUS he's probably not out of your league! HAS OWN METRONOME.

Who is your biggest celebrity crush and why? Sam Simmons because he is hot, weird and a motherfucking genius talented bitchhorse. Slutmonster because s/he is hot, weird and a motherfucking genius talented bitchhorse. IN FOR HOT WEIRD THREEWAY.

What's your favorite sports team and why? Maradona Posh Spice, because they kick all the goals and points!

What's a nightmare you've had recently? I was walking down the road at night and I heard a cockatoo in a tree. “It's a bit late for you, Mister Cocky!” I chuckled to myself. I saw his silhouette in the tree, and as I walked past I looked up at him. The cockatoo turned to me AND HE HAD A MAN'S FACE PAINTED ALL WHITE. He stared at me and I woke myself up before my brain imploded.

What are you looking forward to the most at MICF? The possibility of banging hot chicks in the loos at Tuxedo Cat. Stealing the drugs of far more famous and successful comedians. Fliering LOL JKS NO I DON'T EVERY MINUTE OF FLIERING MAKES ME DIE INSIDE.

WHEN & WHERE: Thursday 11 to Sunday 21 April, Tuxedo Cat