Album Review: Various - Punk Goes Christmas

Christmas ideals notwithstanding, this is the most un-punk album to have ever posed as anything remotely punk. Okay, the artists clocking in – All Time Low, The Summer Set, Real Friends, Crown The Empire – aren't exactly kicking the front row's teeth in anyway, but they could have at least attacked these covers and originals with a bit of grunt.
Upon first listen you'll frown with confusion for the first 20 seconds of each song, then spend the remaining time praying the next track is better, only to be let down again and again. It's like you've got a pile of presents under the tree, then you unwrap them and discover there's nothing inside the boxes. A couple of the bands here don't make that big a meal of the task – New Found Glory's album opener Nothing For Christmas has a nice gang chorus that has singalong potential after a few too many eggnogs, while Man Overboard's Father Christmas is as close to a genuine Santa snarler as we get.
But really, not one band truly takes this awesome platform and throttles the opportunity. Instead, they've translated 'Christmas songs' as bed-wetter music for... well, it's hard to even know; the originals are too obscure for the oldies and so bland that they'd be lucky to draw in any new fans. If you want your punk with a festive flavour, then sidestep this limp outing and stuff your stocking with Bad Religion, Christmas Songs. In advance – you're welcome.