Phillip A Mayer's Table 17! (MICF)

19 April 2017 | 5:06 pm | Sam Wall

"This is a problem."

Phillip A Mayer's comic play Table 17! revolves around the drunken and dysfunctional dregs at a wedding, invited out of obligation and stuck up the back where they can't bother or embarrass anybody.

The bio explains that we'll meet characters like Drunk Uncle, Sleazy Cousin, and Judgmental Aunt - familiar stereotypes that, if subverted, might have made for rich satirical fodder. Instead, they're played entirely at face-level, never developing past cheap shots at lame cliches (sister of the bride Amy is a feminist/hippy. You can tell because she's rocked up in a tie-dye dress, headband combo and never stops complaining).

The dialogue is 90% rapid-fire one-liners, but there's a pretty good chance you've heard them before. At one point one of the table's pity-invites argues that the best jokes have a bit of danger in them, which is weird since Mayer has pulled his from recycled Facebook memes, 'cheeky' greetings cards and novelty coffee mugs. There's even a line lifted straight from The Simpsons at one point.

Don't miss a beat with our FREE daily newsletter

This is a problem since the plot is purely a vehicle for the jokes. The formula seems to be to smash out 30 gags, wedge in a couple minutes' forced conflict and then hope the audience is too distracted by the next 30 clangers to notice how little sense everything makes. Plot lines peter out, finish in off-key monologues or just disappear. At one point a fair amount of time is put into establishing a hidden connection between the husband's boss and the new bride. Was it left in from a rewrite? It's clearly supposed to serve as the play's climatic reveal, but it's never mentioned again.

Beneath all that, Table 17! is an attempt to dissect love, and relationships between men and women; topics that are broached with the finesse of a 12-year-old getting their information from a 15-year-old. In broad strokes, if you're a man, you are sleazy or weak willed. If you're a woman, then you're either a slut or a stuck-up harpy. Both genders can switch suddenly between the two options, because an inexplicable 180 is as good as a character arc.

At another time of year maybe Table 17! would have flown, even with all the floor-level flaws. But it's MICF, there's just too much amazing stuff out there to spend an hour on this.