Live Review: Beyond The Valley Days One & Two

Monday

A sign warning there may be snakes in the grass along the road en route to Phillip Island gives us the heebie-jeebies.

Settling into camp with all the other Early Settler ticket holders, a genius thankfully plays Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody from a neighbouring campsite. Then in comes the Snow: "Informer! [insert chosen gibberish]... NO-ow!" There's someone wandering around the Lux campsite yelling out, "BIIIIIILL!" That's gonna get old. And to the dude reciting quotes from Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas? Please desist also.

Tuesday

Due to gale force winds (seriously, seagulls are flying backwards), the action is moved from the outdoor Main Stage to Pavillion up the hill for Beyond The Valley's first few bands. Lurch & Chief kick off at approximately 12.45pm. They play their We Are The Same ("I know you") hit and it's shambolic. Maybe they're trying too hard, because if you were watching with the sound down it'd look like they were nailing it. Still, what a good-looking band! The male frontman Hayden Somerville announces, "We'll see you 'round for a drink." Okay, then. 

Mansionair: "The wind's trying to pull us off, literally..."

The gorgeous, Active Child-esque tones of Fractures waft past on the breeze. DD Dumbo immediately sounds as if he can't hear himself, finishes one song and then struggles to establish an improvement before kicking off another. It's not very loud then there's a clunky volume increase. We hear him thanking us for our patience although we're already halfway down the hill preparing to witness the opening of Main Stage. Mansionair sound good up there. Hang on, we thought the singer was a chick when listening to their recorded material. Lead singer Jack Frogatt might have wanted to edit himself before saying, "The wind's trying to pull us off," though, and adding "literally" doesn't help. There are lots of multi-braid hairstyles in the crowd, even on dudes, and selfie sticks in abundance. Mansionair definitely graduate from the James Blake/Alt-J school. Their closer Hold Me Down seems fitting and Frogatt smiles delightedly as punters move toward the front and start dancing. 

Overheard toilet conversation: "I can't believe you didn't tell me my bindi was crooked"/"I can't believe I lost my sunnies!" (We can.) A "Zero Fucks" T-shirt slogan pretty much sums it up. 

Pond arrive and are immediately great.

Pond arrive on Main Stage just before 5.30pm complete with goldfish visuals and are immediately great. The goldfish morph into unexpected colours and Pond astonish us as usual with their musicianship and spontaneous wig-outs. The Preatures watch Pond from within the crowd (who fail to recognise the band who are scheduled to play next on this very stage) and look well impressed. Frontman Nick Allbrook tells us we're "looking as freaky as hell" and then proceeds to point out individual offenders. It's a Fantastic Explosion Of Time, alright! Shiny Joe Ryan can never resist a guitar solo. A front row punter appears to be dressed as a rasher of bacon and Pond are in sizzling form today. 

When a cute, geeky band decide they'd prefer to try to be cool, they lose everything that drew us to them in the first place. We're talking to YOU, Ball Park Music. Hooks to spare (All I Want Is You is superb songwriting), but stay true to yourselves ya hear? That's what the kids these days require. 

Danny Brown teases us with a bit of Simon Says (Get The Fuck Up) but alas a segment of the original doesn't follow. It's all very disjointed and given Main Stage set times have all been moved back we're now antsy to partay! The Aston Shuffle bring the good vibes to Pavilion and a mirrorball-suited dancer shoots lasers every which way. Although we would love to stay up for Peking Duk, that just ain't gonna happen. It's only New Year's Eve eve. 

Pounding bass from Dillon Francis rocks us (not so gently) to sleep and then the last thing we remember is Nina Las Vegas' polite request from Pavilion, "Are you ready for the drop?" To drop off to sleep, maybe.