Ten Lyrics We'd Love To See On Coke's Music-Themed Containers

Regardless of your feelings about global beverage behemoth Coca-Cola, there's no denying they're a pretty shrewd bunch when it comes to marketing.

As Ad News reports, on the heels of the first phase of their wildly successful 'Share A Coke...' campaign, the company has rebranded its marketing to 'Share A Coke & A Song', emblazoning its Coke, Coke Zero and Diet Coke cans and bottles with lyrics by a range of popular artists as well as from its own jingles.

Although it seems as though they've already selected their primary playlist sources — highlighted lyrics to make their way to the sweet medium of aluminium cans include Queen's We Are The Champions, Elvis Presley's Always On My Mind, and Aussie pop doyen Conrad Sewell's Beautiful Life, as well as Coke's own 'Just for the taste of it' jingle — we have some other suggestions for poetic slices of musical magic that would make apt adornments for your next dance with adult-onset diabetes.

"i'm not stopping till all my teeth are rotten"

pity sex - coca cola

Sometimes you've gotta work for it, and sometimes life just drops this stuff in your lap.

"don't take this personal, but you're the worst"

jhene aiko - the worst

It'd just be nice to see Coke acknowledge the fact that some people are just terrible, you know? Their relentless positivity about the people that you're likely to be around when Coke is being consumed betrays a profound misunderstanding about the general populace. Man, it'd just be so rewarding to walk up to that jackass that casually dropped their gum in the middle of the sidewalk directly in the path of your new shoes and cheerily hand him one of these bad boys.

"let's get a bottle and drink alone tonight"

minus the bear - absinthe party at the fly honey warehouse

It's also important for Coke to acknowledge that a solid portion of their consumer base probably isn't really making the most of the social opportunities presented by its 'Share A Coke...' campaign, and would do well to service the 'lonely pre-alcoholic' demographic because we out here, man, we out here, and we still love our mixers.

"baby, baby, baby, oooh, like baby, baby, baby, noooo"

justin bieber - baby

Why? Because this song is nonsense. It's a meaningless gesture of affection to a vague audience from a sterile multinational brand designed solely to tick as many boxes, with as little effort, as possible.

In other words, it's a perfect match.

"if you wanna get down, down on the ground… cocaine"

eric clapton — cocaine

Look, Coke shouldn't be afraid of its history. And, given its one-time association (however passing) with everyone's favourite non-anthrax-based white powder, it'd be mighty bold if, all of a sudden, it started indirectly championing the upper-middle-class's preferred Saturday-night substance once again. That'd show those squares!

"how come you taste so good? just like a black girl should"

the rolling stones — brown sugar

You know what else Coke shouldn't be afraid of? Provocative, sexual, racially charged classic rock. That's how most of us ended up here, after all. Plus, if they're going to put Elvis lyrics on their bottles, the least they could do is acknowledge the people from whom rock'n'roll was nicked in the first place (albeit somewhat indelicately).

"we're the planeteers! you can be one too! 'coz saving our planet is the thing to do!"

captain planet - theme song

It's never not cool to recycle. And if Coke jingles are allowed in this thing, then why not THE BEST TV SHOW THEME MUSIC EVER?

Yeah, that's what we thought.

"no way! get fucked! Fuck off!"

fans of the angels every time the angels play Am i ever gonna see your face again?

These aren't strictly a band's lyrics, but they're such an iconic part of Australian music history, having its alleged origins (of all places) at a Sydney disco before spreading to Mt Isa, in Queensland, where the band first heard it being yelled at them and originally believed it was a criticism of their performance.

This, with two different iterations of the verb 'fuck' and its generally unhelpful attitude, would be a quintessentially Australian beverage, ready to be handed over with enthusiasm to anyone who asks you to do anything that you don't feel like doing because it's 35 bloody degrees outside and you're fucken dreamin', mate. 

"do one thing each day that scares you: sing; dance; jump in front of a car"

john safran - not the sunscreen song

YOLO!

"mom, just get me a pepsi, please, all i want is a pepsi"

suicidal tendencies — institutionalized

Obviously.

If only Coke had opened this up to the internet to decide. 

Then again, we all know how that turns out every single time, don't we, Boaty McBoatface? So… maybe it's better this way after all.