Government Discover New Thing Called 'Live Music'

13 July 2012 | 4:00 pm | SPA Confidential

The Australian Government have just discovered this new thing called 'live music' and the PM is not happy.

The Australian Federal Government have this week discovered a new phenomenon that could fundamentally change the face of election campaigns forever.

The result of a 25-year study into the behaviour of the Australian public, SPA Confidential has learned that on Wednesday this week the Prime Minister's office was alerted to 'live music'. The act of a musician or musicians performing music together in a public place for the enjoyment of themselves and members of the public, it is apparently one of the nation's favourite pastimes.

SPA Confidential's source into the Prime Minister's office - a musician who may or may not have been seen with the PM on the weekend - has revealed that the Prime Minister is furious that advisers hadn't discovered the phenomenon earlier.

Calling an emergency meeting this week the PM's advisors were read the riot act. "Why didn't I fucking know about this!?" the PM screamed. "Here I am, fucking putting on bus tours of 'suburban Australia' and the crystalised rock collectors' convention  to keep the masses entertained, and they've been off to fucking live music the whole time!"

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The PM then demanded that advisors find "the person who invented this 'live music' gibberish" and arrange a meeting in the Government's secret Yackandandah retreat so that the incumbent government could, "Exploit the fuck out this thing!"

Unable to locate the inventor of live music, SPA Confidential has learned that the Government have decided to try and bury the issue.

"The PM is really concerned about missing the boat on this one," the guy at the pub told us. "The Government are going to try and whitewash the media with useless stories about irrelevant rubbish for the next two months in the hope that people forget this 'live music' fad."