Festival To Abandon Line-Up Announcements

Following a busy week of festival announcements, a new festival is about to launch on the Australian music scene with a dramatic new approach – not announcing their artist line-up.

Concerned that a new festival would struggle to gain traction against existing festivals in the country – and unable to find a week they'd have to themselves – the promoter has decided that keeping fans in the dark is the only approach.

“Punters are getting tired of getting excited about festival announcements,” the festival director told SPA Confidential. “It's tiring when they're coming so thick and fast. Remember that woman from the UK who has 100 orgasms a day? It sounds like fun, but it's exhausting. That's what festivals announcements are like at the moment – too many orgasms.”

The radical new mindset of not giving anything away about the festival – not even the name – has been described as “the most ingenious and pivotal development ion the history of Australian festivals” by next to no-one. Fans will be encouraged to buy tickets without knowing the location, time or line-up of the event. The time and location details will one be printed on the tickets only, sent out to punters the day before the event.

“This is going to change the way people think about festivals,” the promoter – who doesn't even want to reveal his name – continued. “I'm not going to tell you who we've got lined up, but we're sparing no expense. The headline is one of the few bands in the world that will appeal to hipsters and their parents.”

As news of this announcement-less festival has emerged, bookies have been taking bets on the potential line-up. At the moment the smart money is on a Snow Patrol cover artist from Dandenong and a Western Sydney tribute act which features tracks from Londonbeat, Toni Braxton and PSY. The actual Shaggy and Rod Stewart are strong possibilities, as is Lance Armstrong's motivational speaking tour.