Dan Condon: Sick Tunes, November 30, 2012

I went to the ARIAs last night and, as a result, I now feel like I have been hit by a truck full of wine. I am not going to lie, apart from that fucking incredible Yothu Yindi performance, I didn't really think anything else was particularly exciting and taking a look at ARIA award winners in the old days is enough to make you pine for yesteryear like a cantankerous old prick, which I most certainly am not.

Here are a few of my personal highlights from ARIAs over the years.

ICEHOUSE SWEEP THE POOL IN '88

It's no secret that I really like Icehouse and while I'll admit that part of that is sheer sentimentality – Man Of Colours was one of the first records I can remember hearing – I truly believe that Iva Davies is one of the best pop songwriters that this country has ever produced.

Of course, by 1988, Icehouse was already an incredibly massive deal, but to see such blanket recognition for what I still consider to be one of the Great Australian Pop Records is kinda heartwarming. Will people say the same about Gotye in a quarter of a century? Quite possibly. But Making Mirrors doesn't hold a candle to Man Of Colours as far as I'm concerned.

1996 IN GENERAL

If there was one ARIA Awards from throughout the ages I would like to attend, 1996 would have to be the one. I recall watching it while on a holiday on the Gold Coast, my little head not quite ready for the bizarre cool of Dave Graney's speech (actually, I was kinda hoping John Farnham would win said category) but being besotted by the scraggly chic of You Am I, intrigued by the sheer darkness of Nick Cave and realising that, despite its subject matter being a little too risqué for my young mind – I absolutely had to find a way of purchasing Tu-Plang by Regurgitator.

Honestly, one look at the award winners from that night in 1996 is testament to how amazing an era of music that was.

NOT FROM THERE STIRRING SHIT

Not From There's Sand On Seven, a great and far too often overlooked Aussie album, picked up the ARIA for Best Alternative Release back in 1999, and drummer Simon Lambert used the platform as an opportunity to tell people that the glitz and glam was strictly a one night only affair for them. He made the point that the job that he and his band mates do ought to be considered a full-time job because of the time and effort and demands. I daresay there'd be quite a few bands who would suggest this is most definitely still the case.

“Work for the dole, you know, should encompass playing in a band,” Lambert said after the event. “Anyone in a band knows that it's a full-time job, you know. The situation I'm in is, you know, I'm still dealing with Social Security, you know, and at the same time I'm on live television on Channel 10, commercial TV and, you know, you try not to get shitty about it, but the reality is you're doing it because you love it, not because you're going to make any money from it.

“The reason a lot of good bands split up is because money takes over, the dole hassles them, someone's got to get a job, meet part-time work requirements and, you know, you try - you can only put down so many make-believe jobs on your dole form before someone catches up with you.”

While the famous Paul Mac ecstasy dealer speech is an undoubtedly entertaining story, it was nice to see someone with the balls to complain about something that really pissed them off while on stage at the awards.

IAN MOSS DOMINATES

Okay now this is a little bit snarky, but you'll have to bear with me. You see, I love Ian Moss for the incredible guitar playing, singing and songwriting he has contributed to one of the truly great Australian bands of all time, Cold Chisel. I saw him at a bar after this year's awards and I desperately wanted to go and say hello, but shyness got the best of me and he slinked into the night without being accosted by an inebriated blogger with a penchant for classic rock.

I don't think that Ian Moss' pop solo career was all that great, and I kinda find it hilarious that it was so vehemently celebrated at the 1990 awards following the release of his Matchbook record. I mean, it's not a terrible album, but Album Of The Year, Best Male Artist, Breakthrough Artist – Album (seriously, motherfucker was in Chisel) and Song Of The Year kinda seems like the industry's going a little overboard, right? It's far from the worst ARIA decision that's been handed down, but it's one of the more intriguing ones.

THE SECRET LIFE OF FRONT END LOADER

Yes, their epic, against-the-odds, ARIA victory last year was certainly one for the ages. Yes, it was great that an album released on a label called Weeping Anus Records can be awarded one of the highest accolades our industry has. Yes, that record – Ritardando – is bloody good and well deserving and I'm really stoked that they won and the speech that was given on their behalf was very funny, as they tend to be.

But that's nothing, as I discovered in my fragile state early this afternoon, as the band either have some very good friends working on the ARIA website or their secret career as late-'80s/early-'90s Red Faces contestants turned rock band has finally been uncovered…

You see, a band called 1927 did quite well for a couple of years thanks to the outstanding success of their …Ish record – a record I will not espouse my opinion of on this blog – and picked up a couple of ARIA awards for their troubles. For some reason, every mention of the band on the official ARIA Awards website has been switched for Front End Loader's, which is kinda hilarious if you ask me.

If Eric Weideman or any members of Front End Loader are reading this, could you please consider covering each other's music? I'm happy to pay cold hard cash and guarantee you I'll swing you an ARIA vote (if they ever actually let me vote, of course).

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go and have another spew.