50 Shades

Describe yourself in exactly 140 characters (length of a tweet)? When I reach for things they disappear. I can't always remember what I need to know for tomorrow. Can I just give you a web link to my life?

What's the best joke you've heard recently? I keep a comprehensive catalogue of irony but I don't keep a catalogue of jokes in my head. Death is the best joke that I know of. Death is definitely recent and of course perennial. It can't be beaten for a joke. The joke is on all of us. But I wished you had asked me for the best irony. Then I could have put my irony catalogue to good use.

And the worst joke? Why do you want to submit readers to the worst joke? Life is short. Aren't we all busy enough as it is? By definition, a crap joke is not worth repeating (or worth the effort of validating in writing) unless putting it in writing suddenly makes it funny, like some magical post-modern anti-comedy becomes comedy, bad is kind of good, anti-relativistic resurrection of the worst shit.

What's a dream you've had recently? My Melbourne Comedy Festival show, 50 Shades, is packed to the rafters and sold out for its season of 11 nights, from April 3 to 14, and it is then extended by a week by public demand, through to April 21. Everyone reaches 50 Shades at Revolt, 12 Elizabeth St, Kensington on time. Nobody is late because they know that they can't be late. Everyone realises the venue is easy to find, while all the trains run on time and the cab drivers rave about the show after seeing it themselves. Audience members hungry for good and weird comedy file out of both Kensington and Macaulay railway stations toward the Revolt performance complex and there is no rain. All of my other dreams are either too disjointed or too filled with wild sex to be suited to this format. My other dreams would be like combining Fear & Loathing In Las Vegas with something written by William S Burroughs. Seeing my comedy show succeed is an easier and more rewarding dream to explain.

WHEN & WHERE: Wednesday 3 to Sunday 14 April, MICF, Revolt