Five Things You Don't Do At SXSW

11 August 2014 | 11:29 am | Andrew Mast

Don't be a dick to the locals, don't get hit by a mobile Iron Throne (it's a thing) and, most importantly, don't try to Instie Debbie Harry.

Sydney and Melbourne will be playing host to public SXSW panel discussions outlining tips and useful techniques for making the most out of a visit to the annual music conference in Austin. Andrew Mast will be a guest panellist in Melbourne, these are just five of the things he will tell you not to do before rudely walking away to speak to someone else more important than you.

Don’t Think You Can ‘Wing It’

Planning is key. Whether you are there as a performer, a music industry worker or a punter, you have to plan ahead.

NO ONE returns emails or calls.

For those intending on doing business, lock all your meetings and appointments down in advance. Way in advance. Like, for next year, start planting the seed of your trip NOW. And, don’t be afraid to over-book, so many people are working to so many different timetables at SXSW that nearly half your planned hook-ups will fall through. Don’t think you can email or call people for last-minute meetings when you get there - NO ONE returns emails or calls once they are on SXSW time. They always convince themselves they will. But they won’t.

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For performers, especially those without representation your first visit should just be a scout about. SXSW is overwhelming the first time. Nothing anyone can tell you will prepare you for the over-stimualtion of senses at SXSW. The world’s biggest brands send teams of fifty-plus to get their message through at SXSW. If you go in gigging blind you may not realise that by playing a night gig at the Iron Bear you will be facing off with the regular gay crowd whose style your band is cramping. By scoping it out a year in advance you may realise that Rainey Street is your best bet for an audience rather than a showcase in Sixth Street. You will also learn that there is no shame in marketing your arse off - how the hell else do you compete with Dorito’s Lady Gaga stunts-for-tickets shows, the massive hip hop entourages flyering every inch of town (no centimetres in Texas) plus the buskers, hustlers and protestors (yes, protestors) on EVERY street corner.

For punters, you need a timetable like no other. You will need spreadsheets, apps, maps and a preparedness to go it alone. It’s like your Soundwave plan multiplied by two Splendours plus a SoulFest and Bluesfest (including sideshows) and then add in a Sterosonic squared. I shit you not.

Don’t Get Sick

I’m no doctor but I reckon if you are heading into a country that’s just coming out of the peak of flu season (February in the States - SXSW is in March) there’s a good chance you will come into contact with it. There are 82,000 people in attendance - you are standing in line with them, you are squeezed into skeezy little venues with them, you are shaking hands/bumping fists/trading air kisses with them, you are on long haul flights with them. Hell, that hipster cumbian rare wave outfit from East Side, Milwaukee that have become your new favourite band may have coughed up some kind of new strain of bee flu that’s going through their urban farm community while you were front of stage for their midnight show. 

I’m not saying you have to get all Howard Hughes and wear latex gloves and surgical masks - just get a flu shot before you go. Early March is generally too early for the shots to be readily available for the Australian flu season but healthcare staff are given limited supplies of shots ahead of the season for themselves. Just explain your situation (you know, if you get sick you might miss a secret Kanye show) and you should have a needle in your arm faster than a trip to Abbotsford.

You should have a needle in your arm faster than a trip to Abbotsford.

Every year there’s always some bands forced to cancel key showcases due to band members, especially singers, who catch a local bug that bears down fast due to its victim already rundown from SXSW fatigue. Last year Norwegian indie kids highasakite missed their final show due to flu and by that last night usually half the Australian music industry look like extras on The Walking Dead.

Don’t Believe You Are Too Cool For Pedicabs

One of the rookie mistakes for first-time punters is to laugh at the 'wankers' getting about on the back of pedicabs. By the end of day two you will have learnt the art of bargaining for fares, be trying to squeeze your three heftiest mates in with you (ps that actually hurts you more than the driver) plus you’ll know that the ones not weighed-down with novelty HBO advertising move faster. Yes, that Iron Throne pedicab was good to Instagram but was it worth it as you watched other pedicabs zip by you carrying people who could potentially be making the line longer ahead of you at the gig you're heading towards.

Don’t Dilly Dally

Everyone is  looking over your shoulder for the next person.

See above. It’s war on the fields of SXSW. No one wants a long meeting. No one wants to hear the details of the social marketing campaign you did for your cassette-only, crowd-funded yoga punk compilation. They just want the greatest hits (or bullet points for those without a best-of CV). Everyone is either looking over your shoulder for the next person to get face-time with or they are secretly hoping you get hit by the aforementioned Iron Throne pedicab because you are stopping them from getting to their next gig on time. 

Don’t Ask Debbie Harry To Pose For A Selfie With You

The streets are crawling with the kinda celebrities that are really only celebrities to the kinda fanbois and fangirls that attend SXSW. It’s a music nerd’s ComicCon. There is a time and place for getting in your idols’ faces - SXSW is not that time or place. Some will be chuffed to be recognised (like, maybe fallen ‘70s punkers who have reformed their post-punk ‘80s band who were going to be the next U2 but are instead now manning their own merch table and being mistaken for the helpful dads of their much younger support band). But most will have something new to plug - that means they have to give good PR, that may score you a polite SXSW minute (oh yeah, Austinites are really really polite so don’t be a dick to the locals, this is not a redneck town). But then the 'celeb' will have to move on and plug their new thing to the next of the 85,000.

And, then there’s the real celebs. And they can’t avoid mixing with us plebs. Austin is so rammed with humans for the SXSW week that even Chris Martin has to get familiar with using a footpath. That’s how I ended up sitting behind Debbie Harry in a Mexican restaurant. And, that’s how I learnt not to ask Ms Harry for a selfie with her.

 

WHAT:
SXSW Meet Up
WHERE & WHEN:
Corner Hotel, Melbourne -  5.30pm, Tuesday 12 August
Newtown Social Club, Sydney - 5.30pm, Wednesday 13 August
WHO:
Melbourne - Brad Thomas (SXSW Travel Agent, Entertainment Travel Partners); Alex Lefley (Group Account Director, Edelman PR); Millie Millgate (Executive Producer, Sounds Australia); Paul Cashmere (Executive Producer, noise11.com); Andrew Mast (Group Managing Editor, The Music/theMusic.com.au).
Sydney  - Gregg Donovan (Manager - Airbourne, Grinspoon, Boy & Bear, Josh Pyke & more); Brad Thomas (SXSW Travel Agent, Entertainment Travel Partners); Shaun O’Connor (Technologist/Publicist, Mojo, formerly TBWA); Glenn Dickie (Export Music Producer, Sounds Australia); Larry Heath (Founder & Editor, The AU Review); Jackie Kralj (Digital Music Strategist, Digirascal); Sophie Blachford (Client Partner, Facebook).