The Janoskians Are Wankers. But So Are These People

There has been some serious uproar about the most recent video from pranksters and boy band with the fan base who vehemently claim they're not a not a boy band (sorry, #notaboyband) The Janoskians, as evidenced in our piece written yesterday.

It seems many people who aren't 15-year-old girls seem pretty appalled by the video in question, which features the young men simulating masturbation on the streets of Denmark, with the band copping wide criticism online and in the media.

While their actions are certainly questionable, they're far from the first Aussie musicians to bring masturbation into the public forum. Here are six songs from the vaults that show that we've been wanking well before The Janoskians were… Well, for a long time.

THE FAUVES – Self Abuser

“Hey hey hey hey, self-abuser
Beating off used to make me feel like loser
But now I couldn't feel any better”

It's a big call, but it has to be one of the best songs about masturbation ever written. Catchy, fun, relatable and kind of… empowering? Given how well-publicised frontman Andrew Cox's virginity was in the music press for so long, it should come as no surprise that he was able to sing about self-abusing so willingly and given how good those records through the '90s were it's no shock that the song kicks arse.

SKYHOOKS - Smut

“Better take a raincoat could be sticky on the seat
Open up you Twisties and open up your fly
Pictures start to flicker as your hand moves down your thigh”

Some of us remember Red Symons as the cheeky but harmless guitar man from the Hey Hey It's Saturday band, but anyone who paid any attention to the lyrics of his 1974 song Smut would have a pretty different idea of the musician.

TISM – Been Caught Wankin'

They famously asked us whether we were yobs or wankers on 1998's www.tism.wanker.com album, but Been Caught Wankin' is probably a little closer to the wanking The Janoskians are familiar with.

AUSTRALIAN CRAWL – Boys Light Up

"Silently she opens the drawer,
Mother's little helper, is coming out for more.
Strategically positioned, before the midday show,
The back is arched, those lips are parched,repeated blow by blow"

If you are among those who can understand what James Reyne was saying in Aussie Crawl then you'd know that Boys Light Up is a pretty racy song for something that has been such a widely heralded Australian Classic of the 1980s. As well as leading boys astray with her tricks, the song's leading lady also likes to help herself out.

PAT WILSON – Bop Girl

Pat's husband, Daddy Cool's Ross Wilson, wrote this hit for her and it was a completely innocuous little pop song that went on to do very nicely indeed. Cyndi Lauper's She Bop – one of the most famous masturbation songs of all time – was released a year later, but we like to think that Mummy and Daddy Cool were being filthy on the pop charts first.

There are plenty of people who dispute that the song is related to masturbation, but Helen Razer has recently made her position on the song's meaning pretty solid.

Bop Girl is an unambiguous masturbation song. #FACT

— Helen Razer (@HelenRazer) February 16, 2013

DIVINYLS – I Touch Myself

Don't you think we've been obscure enough with our other choices? There's no way we could leave this one off the list.