Live To Tell The Tale Of Splendour 2016 With This Handy, Dandy Schedule

It’s that time of year again when thousands of music lovers are preparing to descend upon the beautiful North Byron Parklands for yet another instalment of premier Australian music festival Splendour In The Grass, and assuming that punters will still be watching bands and not just chasing Pokemon all over the outdoor venue it’s also time to consider what’s actually happening this year from a music standpoint.

The short answer is ‘bloody lots’, but as we’re always wont to say ‘proper preparation prevents piss poor partying’ so it’s probably worth taking a more expansive look.

FRIDAY

Jumping straight into Friday proceedings it all kicks off in the massive Amphitheatre right on the stroke of midday when rising Melbourne singer-songwriter Alex Lahey gets the chance to show why the buzz around her confessional guitar-pop is going global at a massive rate, followed on that main stage by fellow Melbournites High Tension who will – as always – prove that smashing out explosive, in-your-face punk rock is not the sole domain of the male gender.

After that you can make the big traipse over the hill to the GW McLennan Tent (or go the long way around to save your calf muscles) where young Perth trio Methyl Ethel will fly their freak flag high and ride the psych-rock train for all it’s worth, then (assuming your fitness levels are up to the task) nick back to the Amphitheatre to see why Sydney’s rising stars DMA'S were pretty much a household name before they’d even played a single show. The perpetual GW McLennan Tent at Splendour is of course named after the much-missed founder of The Go-Betweens who passed away a decade back, so it will be incredibly poignant to see his former partner-in-crime Robert Forster plying his wares on the stage dedicated to his best friend, before yet another hike to the main stage will unveil a set by New York indie outfit The Kills, whose new album Ice & Fire – their first in five years – is awash with big beats and tinges of Afro-pop, a sound which should lend itself perfectly to the festival environment.

Walking is a great form of exercise, tell yourself that repeatedly as you traipse back to the big tent to see Brisbane chanteuse Emma Louise divulge the shimmering, sophisticated persona she’s conjured up on brand new album Supercry, then bounce back to the main Amphitheatre to see how much more love Manchester indie-rock quartet The 1975 receive compared to when they played this exact same stage two years ago (spoiler alert: it will be shitloads more, they’ve been kicking goals left, right and centre since then). Local legends Violent Soho, on the other hand, can’t really improve on their own appearance here two years ago given that every single person at the festival gathered on the huge hills to cheer on the local heroes, so it’s probably a good idea to wait at the Amphitheatre and jockey for position for their set as their stocks have also risen dramatically in the interim. Once they’ve banged their last head it’s a toss up between catching a full set in the Mix Up Stage from inveterate Melbourne rapper Illy — another who knows how to get the party started in festival surrounds – or catch the back end of the set by young Texan-bred gospel-soul singer Leon Bridges, who wowed the crowds with his fretful croon here at Falls Festival over the New Years period.

People have been gagging for sample-happy Sydneysiders The Avalanches to return with new music for some 15 years – although it feels longer – and they haven’t disappointed with their brand new double-banger Wildflower which dropped recently so plenty of people will be getting their dance on in the Amphitheatre. Then US country-rock icons Band Of Horses will wow all and sundry back at the GW McLennan Tent with tracks from their brand new opus Why Are You OK and show why they’re not only repeat visitors to Splendour but even possibly the only band to have played at all three of the festival’s venues over the journey (if anyone could match them on this front it would have to be The Grates, ask Patience if you see her at the craft tent). NYC tastemakers The Strokes were another band who rocked the Woodford site hard back in 2010 and seeing that their set tonight is their only gig in Australia this time around they’re bound to leave nothing in the tank, and if you’re still feeling frisky after this suave display pop over to the intimate environs of The World Stage to embrace the high-energy sci-fi-slash-psych weirdness that is the Cambodian Space Project, guaranteed to give you dreams of the wonderfully strange variety.

SATURDAY

Day two of a three-day music binge is hump day to some, but shaking the Saturday for all it’s worth is a critical part of ensuring a productive Splendour. It should be said at this juncture that to really get the full Splendour bender experience you need to find some time to visit the site’s more far-flung locales like the Tipi Forest, the India-inspired Marigold Majestic, the Bohemian Lounge and the Tiny Dancer Stage – even the most strident rock fans should soak up some different aura and essence while you have the chance – but this is my story so today it kicks off at 12.50pm in the Amphitheatre checking out Melbourne one-man-band Harts, who’ll have plenty of room on the big stage to unleash his Hendrix-like shredding. Then it’s about staying on at the festival epicentre to get a pole position vantage spot for the first ever show in these parts by Philly indie-punk-emo trio Beach Slang, whose wordy debut album The Things We Do To Find People Who Feel Like Us earned them positive comparisons to everyone from Jawbreaker to Japandroids. Next conserve some energy and stay where you are for many-headed party behemoth King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard, whose invigorating brand of guitar-psych will prove perfect for anyone whose drink may have been inadvertently spiked by some form of recreational music enhancer (drugs are bad, mkay). The whole world seems to love Sydney indie rockers Gang Of Youths (whose name always reminds me of Edward from League Of Gentlemen, which is slightly disturbing but mainly awesome) so stay with the herd at the Amphitheatre before traipsing back to the GW McLennan Tent to see UK soul machine Michael Kiwanuka blow some minds with the epic majesty of tracks from his stunning new album Love & Hate.

Effervescent rabble rousers Sticky Fingers know how to do festivals right – they should do given they’ve played nearly all of them in the world in recent times – so they’re well worth checking out over at the Amphitheatre, perhaps stopping over at some point to the Comedy tent where there’s a two-and-a-half hour block of laughs titled Wil Anderson & Friends, a pretty good hallmark of quality in the chuckle stakes. A lot of people will be gagging to hit the Mix Up Stage for London electro-folk ensemble Crystal Fighters, after which Texan post-rock poster boys At The Drive-In return to Splendour having torn the old Byron venue a new one during their original reformation back in 2012. Then goth-pop legends The Cure have a three-hour block dedicated to them to close out the night in the Amphitheatre, which may seem excessive to some but which will no doubt prevent a repeat of their headlining set at Livid way back in 2000 where they only had a normal set allocation so decided to not play any of their big hits at all, much to the chagrin of everyone but their most hardcore disciples. They’re an amazing live band with a catalogue to fill three hours with ease: settle in for a session with Mr Smith and friends, you won’t regret it.

SUNDAY

If you haven’t already experienced the magic and mayhem inherent in the Tent Of Miracles – those madcap weirdos who’ve brought the surreal to Splendour for many a year now – make sure you get in there today while you still can, but probably best you visit later on when your inhibitions have been loosened somewhat. Sydney five-piece Green Buzzard have been signed to the I OH YOU stable which usually is a pointer to quality so their midday Amphitheatre set seems as good a place as any to kick off the final day, before Melbourne quartet Gold Class will escape their normal habitat of dingy clubs to hit the GW McLennan Tent and prove that their broodily devastating post-punk sound will stand up in daylight hours as well as when enveloped in darkness.

After that experience some levity may be in order so it’s fortunate that Melbourne Ska Orchestra are bringing their massive line-up to the Amphitheatre stage (can you imagine being their tour manager?) to uphold their goodtime agenda, then it’s over to the Mix Up Stage to get some societal insight from the ever-erudite Sydney MC Urthboy. Rising Kiwi singer-songwriting sensation Marlon Williams is bringing his crack band The Yarra Benders to Splendour for the first time and anyone yet to experience this massive talent in the flesh is encouraged to the GW McLennan Tent for his no doubt spellbinding performance. Looking back it’s all been a bit of a cock forest so far today which is why it will be great to get some electro-pop action from Canadian super-twins Tegan & Sara – who have moved from the indie to the commercial realms with consummate ease – after which we can catch some of the set by Sydney dance-psych trio Jagwar Ma (themselves no strangers to world festival stages). They're followed back in the Amphitheatre by burgeoning global superstar Courtney Barnett, the engaging Melbourne lass who in the two years since her debut Splendour performance back in 2014 has made the world at large fall in love with her laidback, conversational narratives and no fuss worldview. Back over at the GW McLennan Tent gruff-voiced stalwart Mark Lanegan will be upping the darkness factor in his inimitable style, while returning to the Amphitheatre (thankfully for one of the final times now) we’ll find young Sydney five-piece The Preatures strutting their stuff, another band who’ve been busy taking Aussie music to the world stage and whose energetic brand of dance-pop will be perfect for the pointy end of proceedings. After this you can toss a coin between beguiling Icelandic post-rock sensations Sigur Ros and rising UK troubadour Jake Bugg – just follow your heart at this juncture, you’ll know what’s best when the time arrives – before beloved young Aussie electro overlord Flume will leave the Amphitheatre heaving with a sea of classic bangers and deep cuts from his new opus Skin.

Having said all that, I’ve been lucky enough to have hit every Splendour since day one in some capacity or other and each year when debriefing with friends afterwards it’s amazing how everyone has had their own incredible and often wildly different adventure, an amalgam of shared experiences and just as many unique and memorable moments. And therein lies the crux of Splendour In The Grass’s not-inconsiderable charm – there’s so many different options of top-notch musical and cultural entertainment at your fingertips, so few of which invoke any level of disappointment, and if you do it right we’re talking about walking away from the weekend with lifelong musical memories (which is never, ever a bad thing). Play hard but fair, look out for each other and most importantly have an amazing time irrespective of which bands you do or don’t see: to paraphrase The Clean, anything could happen and the choice is yours to make it worthwhile!