Here's Why You Should Book MC Hammer For Your Next Party

Veteran rapper and parachute-pant enthusiast MC Hammer is apparently a man of more talents than just rhyming "hard" with "Lord", having scraped his way back from some pretty rough times in the '90s to become a popular Twitter identity and regular consultant and savvy investor in technology companies.

However, the U Can't Touch This hitmaker may spend more of his time these days behind the scenes pulling business strings and delivering keynotes about social media to tech gurus than flopping about the stage like Kriss Kross's estranged father, but that doesn't mean he's lost his penchant for showmanship.

In fact, he's a readily bookable identity via Universal Attractions, and the testimonials explaining why you should definitely consider MC Hammer for your next corporate 'do or birthday party are as amazingly earnest as they are actually kind of convincing.

"mc hammer drew the largest family-friendly crowd in the 25-year history of our event."

- john d. mcentee, that's entertainment international

Not only is a Hammer show apparently kid-friendly, but he still knows how to bring 'em through the door, so you and a veritable army of other people with children who haven't yet developed a sense of musical taste can bust a clean and friendly move to Too Legit To Quit together while your spouse talks to Mr Petersen about that raise they've been after since Janet resigned.

"hammer was amazing. captivated the audience and created a great corporate holiday experience."

- bill borenstein, Vp entertainment & theatre operations, motorcity casino hotel

To be totally fair, Bill, audiences on corporate holiday experiences probably don't really need all that much stimulus to captivate them away from team-building exercises and increasing thoughts of hurling themselves off the Trust Bridge when there's no one below to catch them, but it's good to know that Hammer knows how to play ball with the business set. Plus, he'd probably host the trivia nights for, like, an extra $70 if you asked him really nicely.

"wowed the crowd and delivered a show that was as awesome as advertised."

- jon witz, riverdays festival, detroit

This is an important one, because it shows that although MC Hammer is very much a Party Dude^TM, he also knows how to deliver on expectations. No three-hour Axl delays from Hammer, nosiree. You want him there at 8pm in time to bust out Straight To My Feet and… others… before the neighbours chuck the shits over noise limits? Hammer's got your back.

"they did an incredible show, treated the audience really well."

- annie o'toole, live 360, indiana state fair

Sure, your brother did a decent job with his acoustic at your Happy New Financial Year party last year, but things really started to fall apart when he began openly abusing your friends and family for asking him to play Tears For Fears covers when he's clearly a serious artist, so maybe you're having second thoughts about asking him back. Good; embrace those thoughts and hire MC Hammer, who will be polite as fuck and weather your repeated, drunken cries of "STOP! HAMMER TIME!" with good grace and humour, plus he won't make fun of your gimpy pinky finger that everyone knows you're sensitive about.

"mc hammer was a huge hit with the large fair crowd."

- kevin blevins, leader post, saskatchewan, canada

Actually, there's not really much to say about this one other than we love the fact MC Hammer appears to be a state fair veteran in North America. Come get your corn dogs, ride rickety roller coasters, avoid eye contact with carnies and watch some Hammer. Amazing.

"hammer was fantastic! the nicest and hardest-working people ever."

- suzy kappaz, gail & rice

Punctual, family-friendly, versatile, a solid work ethic and super-nice. Hammer is clearly the ultimate party performer. Seriously, we just need to see the words "his balloon animals were world-class" and we would be booking this guy in a fucking heartbeat for everything from here until the heat death of the universe. You can't touch him.