Weezer Cruise 2: Island In The Sun [4 Realz]

21 February 2014 | 3:26 pm | Steve Bell

The shenanigans continue...

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DAY THREE

Day three of the sophomore (has to be used at some point, right?) Weezer cruise begins in familiar fashion with a hearty breakfast to shake off the cobwebs, and then it's an early embarkation (a luxury afforded cruise alumni from the first shindig) to the Bahaman destination of Nassau. Before we even leave the massive piers at the dock we're herded onto another tender – just like a two-level party barge – and shipped off to Blue Lagoon Island, the exclusive party resort where today's main festivities are taking place.

It's a beautiful day as we take the 20-odd-minute trip, Nassau obviously a lot more affluent than Freeport judging by the miles of luxury abodes and incredibly flash hotels we pass before heading into open water, and before too long we arrive at our destination – there's a narrow opening guarded by an old stone fort (complete with one ancient cannon) that great us at first, but once into the lagoon itself we're greeted by a virtual tropical paradise of the highest calibre. The crystal clear lagoon has one section with a massive water-park playground complete with massive blow-up obstacles – like It's A Knockout on water in the most gorgeous surrounds imaginable – surrounded by pristine beaches and groves of palm trees filled with various activities: kayaks, those stupid bicycle things with the big wheels, snorkelling, you name it. There's also hammocks slung between trees as far as the eyes can see, interspersed with tables and reclining lounges – it's like a recalcitrant's wet dream it's so inherently laidback. We immediately buy tickets for daiquiris – it's a cashless economy and you have to buy tickets for everything, but there's no lines and it's no major hassle – and chill out near the big stage that's been erected in an open expanse of beach, lounging at a table in the shade of palm trees that protect us from the blaring sun. It's all incredibly beautiful and relaxing and we're all pinching ourselves that we're actually on this amazing island in the Bahamas, even if you can tell that it would be an utter tourist trap on other occasions – today that matters less than nought. I work out after numerous conversations about music – everyone on the trip is so freaking friendly – that Weezer are so popular because they straddle numerous musical divides: they seem to be as popular with guys and gals who love tripe like 311 and Barenaked Ladies as they are with the more traditional folk who prefer bands like Pavement and Archers of Loaf, but that's (predominantly) fine. After a few drinks and a nice (free) BBQ lunch it's finally time for Cat Power to kick off proceedings – all the other bands on the cruise play numerous sets over the various days but this is the only of their shows, they must have been able to get Chan to agree to play in these gorgeous surrounds, but she obviously drew the line at being stuck on the boat for four days with this drunken rabble.

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They kick off with a haunting take on The Greatest, the song building and building into a different beast altogether by song's end. Chan is looking pixie-ish with her short haircut and the band behind her are completely different to last time I enjoyed her company (in a casino in Las Vegas for the Matador At 21 bash), and they move onto the skittish Cherokee without further ado. By the track's end, however, the notoriously troublesome singer is complaining about the foldback and monitors – she hasn't yet addressed the crowd even slightly – but soon gets things to her happiness and moves onto the restrained Xs4all, and she's soon happily tossing water bottles into the sun-bathes crowd (still maintaining silence in terms of speaking to her fans, assuming they're here). Next up is the ludicrously disturbing Angelitos Negros, which starts in Spanish before reverting to English so we can cop the full emotional brunt of the heinous narrative – this is so far pretty angsty for both the surrounds and the occasion, and you can feel people who didn't know what to expect almost exploding with confusion. I'm a borderline fan – own numerous records and have been looking forward to this set – but even I'm kinda conflicted about the appropriateness of what we're witnessing, but then Chan introduces the next song as “being written by Rowland S Howard, Lou Reed and Michael Hutchence” and my ears prick up, partially from parochial pride (two-thirds Aussie!) and partly from curiosity because I've never heard of such a composition; turns out to be a version of Velvet Underground's Oh! Sweet Nuthin' interspersed with the chorus of Shivers, with snippets of Never Tear Us Apart thrown in for good measure (sorry Andrew Farriss, no name-check for you). Pretty damn cool (albeit weird) as it turns out. Next is a soaring version of the beautiful Metal Heart – which is cut a few verses short for some reason – and then a cool run-through of The Moon, before we hit a couple of cool covers: a stripped-back and unremittingly lovely take on '50s standard Sea Of Love (seemingly based on The Honeydrippers well-known rendition) leads into a deep and brooding I Wanna Be Your Dog (The Stooges fool!). The set finished with polished takes on I Don't Blame You and Ruin, and while the band – and Chan M in particular – warm to the occasion over the duration, you can't help but feel that a possible list of acts who would have been more appropriate for this tranquil setting and party atmosphere would be pretty freaking long (even off the top of my head I can think of about 250). First world problems in the second/third world, tough times indeed…

The break between bands is not long so we head frontwards and find a vantage point on the sand right in front of the stage (really bloody close as it turns out) and soon Weezer join the party and kick off with My Name Is Jonas, in the process starting a veritable arm-pumping frenzy from the now sun-kissed and well pissed throng. Rivers is dressed in full nautical mode – as we've come to expect – and soon enough Hash Pipe makes way for El Scorcho and suddenly the Weezer flags from the first voyage are hoisted again, this time joined by a brilliant Boxing Kangaroo flag emblazoned with 'Australia Loves Weezer' (although it's on the same pole as a Union Jack Weezer flag, only underneath and smaller which raises numerous concerns and sparks furrowed brows about federation and the like). My literary inadequacies aside it's truly tough to articulate how much fun this party atmosphere is – you metaphorically (and occasionally literally) pinch yourself every couple of minutes – but we endure nonetheless, this show being touted as mixture of classics and band picks (each member revealing their favourite song to perform) as bassist Scott Shriner picks the relatively rare Miss Sweeney (debuted last night for the first time) as his song of choice. Rivers' cute as a button daughter Mia again takes her place behind the tiny keyboard for Perfect Situation, before a shredding intro introduces one of my later-era faves Troublemaker and I'm glad there's no cameras around (touch wood) as I start to do that weird jig thing I do when I'm truly excited. Surf Wax USA seems entirely appropriate in this heat despite a complete non-surfeit of waves in the lagoon, before guitarist Brian Bell nominates Susanne as his song pick, eliciting mass singing and smiling in the process. Belly (I get to call him that) then takes lead vocals for the effervescent Keep Fishin' – Rivers busying himself with guitar histrionics – before they move onto Island In The Sun; this very song (presumably) the reason that we're all standing here on the sand in the Bahamas being blasted by top-notch rock'n'roll. As they move onto the unfairly lambasted Beverley Hills (some people are just heathens for life) we're soon assaulted by an array of beach balls which bring a whole new dimension to proceedings (ie you're sconed on the head every few minutes while watching the band), drummer Pat Wilson proving as endearingly laconic as ever by picking No Other One just because “he loves it”. The smell of illegal marijuana wafts through the crowd, distracting some as the burst into the irrepressible Say It Ain't So (someone must have taken the Freeport guy up on his “doobie” special), before they smash through recent highwater mark I Want You To, before Rivers introduces the band as characters from Gilligan's Island during an acerbic Pork And Beans. Rivers then calls us an “elite Weezer crowd able to take the most challenging songs in their oeuvre” (is that French?) before announcing his personal selection – Across The Sea (of course)! They finish the main set with Memories and Undone (The Sweater Song) and by now everyone is in raptures of utter delight (even the incredibly sunburned jock guy in front of us), before returning for an encore of Buddy Holly (finally!) and another run through of new track Back To The Shack that they debuted last night).

Rivers yells “we love you!” and other platitudes and they take a collective bow, completing one of the most memorable gigs I'll ever have the privilege to see, even if I continue to see shows at the ridiculous rate I've racked them up so far in my life (a belated “fuck you” to the knob at Hunters & Collectors a couple of weeks ago who told me snottily, 'You obviously don't go to many rock'n'roll shows', I ignored you then because I didn't want to look like you ie an asshole). This has been an amazing set of classics by Weezer – funnily enough the first such show I've seen since Livid in 1996, everything else having been either Blue Album or Pinkerton shows or the request countdown from last night – in beyond idyllic surrounds, one of those events you try and soak up more than usual because it's so unlikely it'll be replicated.

Also, I think today puts to rest for all time the conundrum of whether Weezer are 'emo' or not – Pinkerton may have been an emotional outpouring back in the day but no true 'emo' band would ever hold such an amazing drunken beach party which is just so freakin' fun – too much of a contradiction.

We hang out in the lagoon for a while soaking up the sun and the surrounds and then it's time to head back to the tenders to return to Nassau and reboard the cruise. My long-term love of Scandinavian rock pays handsome dividends when I befriend some cool Swedish guys and we bond over Turbonegro, The Hellacopters, Gluecifer, The Nomads, Refused and the like. The tender on the way back has a flat roof deck and a bar so the party continues, everyone drinking (as if we need it) and people dancing to the Caribbean music being blasted – even doing the limbo under the Weezer flag at one point; everyone's laughing and so loose, it's like we left any remaining inhibitions back on the island.

Once back on-board Fascination I brave the ludicrously slow and expensive at-sea internet to find that Australia had smashed South Africa in the First Test of the cricket, somehow buoying my mood even higher! We check out the last couple of songs of DIIV on the Lido Deck, and then – as is becoming habit – check out the very end of The Cribs' set in Puttin' On The Ritz. When we arrive their jokingly playing around with Weezer's Undone, but soon they're making their own raucous racket to an appreciative crowd, tracks like Ancient History and City of Bugs getting everyone smiling and dancing, the whole thing ending with frontman Ryan Jarman climbing up the drum riser and sprawling back down onto his back, the whole thing ending in squalls of feedback.

We keep in UK mode by heading to the Lido Deck to see Northern Irish trio Ash go through their paces for the first time this trip, Goldfinger sounding crisp and loud in the now-dark outside conditions as we arrive. Girl From Mars gets the small-ish crowd into a mini-dervish – still power-pop perfection after all these years – and if frontman Tim Wheeler's good-natured ribbing is to be believed drummer Rick McMurray is still blazing his legendarily hedonistic path and laying waste to all before him on the cruise. A crunching I'd Give You Anything finds dudes throwing themselves into the pool, then they drop it down a notch for a relaxed and assured Gone The Dream. Because the them for tonight is 'Death For False Metal' – many people have dressed up in bogan rock star attire, I settled for pulling out my old Slayer-themed Weezer t-shirt – Tim tells an awesome tale about being enemies with metal act Manowar who accused them of being 'false metal' when Ash featured on the cover of Kerrang many moons ago, then also mentioned being enemies at times with both The Fall and Starsailor which is kinda odd.  Kung Fu is another classic still in pristine condition, before a riff-tastic rendition of Oh Yeah gets everyone singing and the incessant Innocent Smile gets heads nodding in appreciation. Just as they dedicate Angel Interceptor to The Cribs we finally find our Sydney mates Wintah and Tegan, who'd been stuck in San Fran and had only – via an extreme mission of patience and tenacity – been able to join the ship that afternoon in Nassau. They're in good spirits despite being run down and exhausted and we hear their tale of misery over a few drinks and revel in their company. Wintah was on the first cruise and we didn't cross paths once despite searching for each other, so it's great to finally see him on a boat.

We head back to the dark Puttin' On The Ritz bar to watch Caveman again – the set is similar but they sound much better through a proper system and with a bit of space onstage to breathe, and their songs seem to flourish with a bit of familiarity. The frontman is very fond of “spirit fingers” which is quite funny, but they're definitely an entertaining proposition.

We head back to the Lido Deck to check out London four-piece Palma Violets – we're all pretty drunk by now (well, let's not be presumptuous – I'm pretty drunk by now) but I really dig their fun and energetic vibe, so does the crowd before them judging by the theatrics and gurning faces. It's all a bit football terrace-y – but in a good way – and songs like Rattlesnake Highway, Best Of Friends and 14 all go down really well in this late-night live setting.

With that we bid adieu – it's been a long day and we have a full day at sea tomorrow, best get some rest so we can properly get amongst it!

DAY FOUR

After a leisurely rise and breakfast it's time for us to get our photo taken with Weezer – as with last trip the four band members sit patiently in a row as all their fans shuffle through behind them in pairs and groups, smiling patiently while enduring photo after photo and the myriad platitudes from their adoring followers.

Today's theme is 'Superheroes' and the costumes are out in force early – we head to the Lido deck to relax with some drinks in the sun, and watch Ash judging the Belly Flop Contest in the main pool which is quite fun (I seem to have left out of yesterday's missive watching a hungover The Orwells judge a similar Cannonball Contest, which was also proved a mildly entertaining diversion from just chilling out). We see some amazing beer guts, local anti-heroes Jesus and Jack Sparrow getting amongst it, a Batman making a splash, then finally Tim from Ash has a go before throwing in a fully-clothed Rick who seems a tad pissed off as he ruefully pulls his now soaked mobile from his pocket – Tim promises to buy him a new one so calm prevails.

Next we go to the very top deck for the very first time this trip for the now expected mini golf challenge, except that with the ship underway and a distinct lack of shelter it's too bloody windy to even leave your beer on the ground to play a shot let alone for the golf ball to remain motionless on the turf. We battle through five or six holes until the conditions get the better of us, and head back down to the Lido Deck for more refreshments.

 Soon we adjourn to the Palace Lounge for the recording of Doug Benson's 'Doug Loves Movies' podcast. He's up onstage with Adam Devine, Jacob Sirof and Pat and Scott from Weezer – all dressed in bathrobes from the cabins, as is most of the huge crowd including the Stormtrooper who marches up onstage (and who's been making sporadic appearances all trip). It's basically a mock game show bases around movies, but mainly an excuse for these people to fool around and try for laughs. It's great fun but my personal highlight is Pat Wilson – he's so bloody dry it's hilarious, and he has this almost nihilistic streak that's complete gold.

Next we're back on the Lido Deck for the Weezer Q&A – people have had the chance to submit questions (I've interviewed them all in the past except Scott so feel no need to contribute), and the band are on stage and grilled by Adam Devine, who's pretty suited to this scenario as his goofing around adds levity when things inevitably stagnate. Some of the things we discover;

  • Rivers plans to keep playing in the band until he's 60

  • Scott is the smelliest in the band and has had an intervention from the others about his body odour

  • If he wasn't in the band Rivers reckons he'd be a pharmacist because he knows his way around medicines – an admission which amused Pat no end – while Brian would be a teacher, Scott a movie director and Pat a bum (there's that nihilistic streak again).

  • Rivers wrote Island In The Sun when he was really sick and needed to cheer himself up

  • Rivers words of wisdom to himself if he could send a message to his 12yo self would be, “Don't worry so much. Believe in yourself. It's going to be just fine”. Scott's was, “It's not always going to be like this – just find somewhere that you fit in”

  • The thing that Rivers likes least about being in the band is photo shoots.

We fool around for a while, and soon it's time for another set from The Orwells, again on the Lido Deck. They're fucking on fire and sound even better than when we set sail, and the songs sound even better the second time around. I'm actually quite smitten – I can't remember seeing a band that I've liked this much without having known much about them for years. There's not a huge crowd in attendance but the ones that have turned out clearly feel the same, because there's a lot of horns flying and heads banging throughout their excellent set, which is only derailed briefly at one pint due to broken guitar strings, but not enough to stop the onslaught.

We go with friends to catch a repeat of the stand-up comedy we'd seen a couple of days ago – Adam Devine delivers basically the same set except a whole lot drunker (there are a lot of bits from all of them about the rampant hedonism of being on the cruise, plus the easy targets of some of the weirder characters on board such as the hot tub people, Jesus and Jack Sparrow). Doug Benson, on the other hand, has a whole new spiel which basically riffs off the cruise the whole time – this guy is really good, I hope I cross paths with him again in the future.

We catch the bulk of the set this time from NYV five-piece DIIV, who are above all pretty rocking despite their being a lot of depth and texture to their songs and arrangements, and their awesome amount of hair. I don't know much about them but I really like both their sound and their songs, particularly one called Dash which may or may not be form their forthcoming album. We catch up with new Melbourne chums Troy and Rowena who look resplendent in the Superman and Wonder Woman costumes that they've tracked down on eBay for the occasion, they've also been having a blast all trip – as you'd expect – and are in both fine form and fine spirits.

It's getting late now and we have a 6am wake up call to get to this immigration meeting for non-US citizens in the morning – which ends up being a complete debacle – so we head inside and catch a few songs from LA (predominantly) girl group Bleached, fronted by the sultry Clavin sisters. They're brash and poppy and there are hooks aplenty, but they're battling a pretty bad mix and complain about having no foldback so perhaps that explains their somewhat ragged display. Still they push through and deliver a swathe of songs swimming in melody and attitude – a bit more experience and they could well be one to watch out for (ie. I'm drunk and not really paying that much attention).

We adjourn to the bar to further dint our daily allocation of 15 free (well paid for but basically free) drinks and then that's it. So much fun once again, even if things didn't go quite as smoothly as the first voyage. I can only say this – if you ever get a chance to go on a cruise with bands that you love playing just don't hesitate, get amongst it and you'll never regret it.

So now it's the Deep South beckoning – Savannah (and beyond) here we come! Thanks heaps for reading!